Update

Things are still the same for our friend. His family is spending their days outside the room, praying for survival. The prognosis is still not good. One person can go in at a time but they can not touch him. He is still in a coma and on life support. The brain pressure has gone down just a little. There has been talk of trying to stimulate him a little and see what happens. Also, they talked of seeing if his lungs would kick in. Right now, that is just talk; they've done nothing. My brother got to go in the other night. Of course, he said that he was unrecognizable.

I keep putting myself in his mom's place. (I guess that's a weird quirk of mine, but that's how I deal with things. Unless it is actually happening to me; then, avoidance is the quirk.) They have already been told that what made him "him" is already gone. The only positive thing I've heard is that he may have a little sight. Earlier, they felt that the optic nerves were so damaged that there would be none. Would he be aware if he can see? Would there ever be any communication? Would he ever be more than a body? Only God knows. I would think that there would be some wrestling with these facts going on in the family.

As parents, there is so much moral, social, heart-led pressure that we would want our child with us "no matter what". We would be considered terrible, unworthy, selfish parents/people if we didn't. Right? But what about the child? IF he had a moment of realization would know that he is trapped in a hellous existence forever. What about the mother and father that will sacrifice their lives to keep a body clean and safe? What about a daughter that has to watch her parents continue to suffer and know that when they are gone that the mantra would pass to her? But we want him to be here no matter what or how. He's our son and brother. Right?

Having a child who has lived a hurtful, painful life seems to open up other mom's to some hard truths. I've had two different moms confess to me really hard mom secrets. One very close friend lost her son at 20. We met when our boys were both very small and often traded off babysitting. They bore the same name and both broke our hearts. One with alcohol and the other with drugs. Her son seemed to finally be on a more positive path, but one night by himself at his apartment, he drank until he passed out, vomited and choked to death. What a legacy. Anyway, one night his mom and I were talking about the boys and she said that I was the only one she could say this out loud to, but that it was a bit of a relief. It was always something with him; always waiting for the other shoe to fall. Wondering where he was or getting a call from the police or from jail. She knew that he too was miserable. Now at least he found peace. Another mother's son was taking a very, very similar path as ours. He was just about a year behind and going into a second rehab. She shared a conversation that they had. She told him that if this was the path that he felt he had to take, that she would rather have him dead. My husband was floored and thought she was heartless. I understood.

So I have lots of questions and viewpoints, yet I do realize that there is only one answer. The one that God has decided. It will be the best even if we don't see it. It sill just makes me wonder.

Later.