WHAT NEXT?

First of all, I have no idea what the penguin pic has to do with anything other than they amuse me. That's all.


Hope you had a really special Christmas. We had a nice family time here. I must have been very good this past year (or more likely Santa just didn't find out) as I am typing on my new laptop. I have been holding on to my PC with white knuckles. Couldn't imagine that anything could be faster or more efficient. So now, here I am with my much-more-powerful-than-I-will-ever-need laptop sitting at the kitchen table right next to my PC. Old habits are just hard to break.


TWO-THOUSAND-ELEVEN. I have a bit of a pit in my stomach just thinking about it. We have put so much stock on starting a new year with hope and much gratitude. Our son is home and we are moved and settled. It's all good. Why am I uneasy? Probably because the last two weeks have reminded me not to be so confident that I know, or have any control over, what is going to happen next.

• Got a call mid-afternoon of Thursday a week before Christmas. That dreaded call....again. #1 son was in jail. He was pulling out of a parking lot and made a right turn without coming to a complete stop. He was pulled over by a policeman and happened to have on a belt that had brass knuckles on it. (I've never seen the belt but supposedly they were part of the buckle.) He was arrested for a prohibited weapon. He had to stay in jail until he could go before a judge on Friday morning. He was charged with a misdemeanor and bond was set at $2500. We called a bondsman who charged us $390. When they called, they were told that he had an "investigative hold" on him. Meaning = they were making sure that they could not find something else to charge him with. Of course, I do understand that they have a boy/man who has just been out of prison for 6 months; has all kind of tattoos; no steady job, etc. He doesn't exactly look like "John Q Public" and I sure that his mouth was running the whole time. The "hold" was not taken off until Saturday mid-morning. Two nights in jail over a belt buckle. Granted, stupid on his part, but SERIOUSLY???


• The plans had already been made for Hub to drive out that Saturday and pick up #1 and his girlfriend to bring them here for Christmas. After a restless night, we both got up at 4 a.m. and Hub got on the road at 5 that morning. We went straight to the jail and waited for him to be released. He also paid $200 to get the car that #1 was driving out of the auto pound. (It belonged to a friend.) $600 the week before Christmas and he still has to go to court.


• Hub showed up Saturday evening with #1, the girlfriend AND......wait for it......their ever growing puppy. That was when the other shoe fell. THEY are moving in with us. No one asked my opinion. Hub and the girlfriend made this decision on the way up. She says that the influences are just too strong and she is afraid that he will get in trouble. She really seems to love him. Not sure why she puts up with him sometimes.


• Today, Hub took them back and will rent a truck to bring back the little bit of furniture that they have and the rest of their things. Of course, this includes the bed that we had just bought them after Thanksgiving. Now, it will have to be stored.

Everything has happened so fast, I'm not sure totally where I stand on all of this. I'm very apprehensive, yet I realize that our son truly needs more help to get started. He simply does not possess the life skills to operate as an independent, responsible adult. He was born with a deficit and has lost about 4 years of life lessons to grow into it. As much as I want it to be different and sometimes demand it to be different, that fact has not changed. This isn't a case of totally enabling him as much as it is dealing with a tough situation honestly.

So that is where we are. Our household grew overnight from 3 to 5 plus 3 dogs and 1 cat. Can you say Zoo? The puppy is really sweet but driving everyone a bit nuts. Especially the 4-legged family members. She has already grown from being the smallest into the #2 position. She will end up being the largest.

The girlfriend is a sweetheart and we are trying to negotiate the "two women in one house" logistics. She has been trying to help and is good about keeping #1 in line. #2 son is crazy about her and she has given him some much needed special attention. Hub says that she's the cheapest babysitter we have had. (Shame he is talking about her babysitting #1.) They both are under strict orders that they both have to have jobs immediately after the 1st. Girlfriend already has some leads. #1 has decided that he wants to be a "mystery shopper". Oy vey!!!!

Later.

My Ms M

Have you ever seen or spoken with someone and known that this would be the last time you would ever see or speak with them? I have had this happen a few times in my life. Not that it was some mysterious psychic connection. Some of these people were literally on their death beds. Like my aunt that passed away last January. Our family had totally lost connection with her and then I discovered her granddaughter on Facebook. I got to visit with her on the day that she died. I was named after her, spoiled by her and loved her dearly, yet lost precious time. I was the last to hold her hand. It was just she and I and I got to tell her how special she was.

When my mother was in a nursing home, her close friend and neighbor, Mrs. H, was there as well. They were in different buildings, but would go visit each other as long as they could and later I would wheel Mother down to see her or just go myself. Mrs H was the friend Mother could depend on whether she needed someone to watch me for a little while or watch the house when we were out of town. We did the same for her family. One day I was coming in to visit Mother and was stopped by another family friend who told me that Mrs. H was not doing well. I went down to her room to check on her and felt like I had stepped into a movie set for a 40's movie. She was alone in her room and with the head of her bed raised. The drapes were open and sunlight was pouring on her face. The sunshine and white sheets made her glow. I know that sounds weird, but seriously the woman was beautiful and glowing. I thought she was asleep and then she opened her eyes, gave me a sweet smile and called me by name. (Remember Scarlett & Melanie's death scene in "Gone With the Wind"? Do you hear the soft music playing?) We spoke for a little while and I told her how much I enjoyed coming to her home as a child and how much I loved her. When I left her room, I felt like something special was going on in there. It was. Mrs H died later that day.

Well, I think I told someone goodbye tonight. I haven't felt like sending out Christmas cards for the past few years. Too much stinkin' thinkin' going on here I am sorry to say. I mailed out 60 Christmas notes this past Thursday. This afternoon, I got two calls from people that I have known for probably 30 years and were thrilled to get a note and to know where we are now. One of them had been my mentor, substitute mother, colleague, confider, advisor and best friend. We met when we both had offices on the same floor of an office building. I was young, single and thought I had it all. She was a retired social worker that wanted something else to do and decided to go to work for an oil company. Everyone loved M. Her office was located close to the elevator and to the coffee shop and her door was always open. I'm sure it was a challenge to do her job as there was always someone sticking their head in to say hello. She worked for an old sourpuss that was her own age and she just laughed him off. He never even knew that behind the drapes that covered a fake window in her office, she had hung a poster of Tom Selleck. That was M and that was one of the reasons I loved her. When I started dating my Hub, he had to get her approval even before he was introduced to my parents. When we were first working on adoption, M was the first to write a reference letter for us and use her connections as a social worker. Anyway, M got my card today and gave me a call. Although she sounds the same with her laughter and deep Southern accent, M is now 90 and says that she is using a walker. She says the first thing that she pulls out every Christmas is a pillow that I made for her 25+ years ago that says "Joy Y'all". She hopes that her children will love it later and keep it out. She brought up the subject that she is now 90 and knows that things will be changing soon. She said that she made a deal with God to take her when he's ready. She just hopes that he takes her in an accident so that her sons will receive double insurance money. That's my M. Well, she told me not to worry about her. I told her that not too long ago, I had realized that I was someone's Miss M. There was a first year teacher at school that was a long way from home and we became friends. She wanted me to meet her new boyfriend and then fiance. Then she wanted to cry on my shoulder when it didn't work out. She is about the age that I was when I met M and I am getting closer to the age that M was. I am someone's M. I told her that was a big responsibility, but I'm trying to live up to her example.

So, anyway, I think I told someone goodbye tonight. We said all the things that you do just in case you never have another chance to say them. I feel so good about her. If you have not sent out Christmas greetings yet, throw some in the mail. You never know what blessings are out there looking for you.

Later, and just in case, Merry Christmas!

Thankful

WOW! I just looked back at my posts at this time of year for the past two years. You know, that's what this blog thing is all about. Not just communicating and sharing, but to see and remember where you have come from. We are FINALLY looking forward to celebrating Christmas again. We will all be together as a family. What a gift!

So...when I last reported on "As My World Turned", we were expecting my #1 son and his new girlfriend to drive up to see us the weekend before Thanksgiving. That never happened as #1 wrecked the car on that Thursday evening. (For those keeping track, that was the second car in 3 months. He hadn't even made the first payment to us on it.) In all honesty, it is one of those accidents that do just kinda happen. He was waiting to make a left-hand turn from a center lane across 2 lanes of traffic. The car in the 1st lane stopped and motioned for him to turn in front of her and then another car went around in the second lane. Semi-understandable, but still his fault. The police were called, but didn't even ticket him. The insurance company has declared it a total loss due to the fact it was an older car so we are still working out those details. Can't wait to see what our insurance is going to cost next year!

Did get to meet the girlfriend when we went through to pick them up for Thanksgiving. We took them out to our favorite Mexican restaurant (yum!) on Wednesday night. She was cute; dressed up, good make-up, no tattoos, all good. I liked her very much. Cute personality. My son was his old, loving self and very happy. What more could a mom ask for? They both had to go work later that night at a club. My son as a bouncer and his girlfriend was asked to fill in and serve for extra money. Not a good place for him to be, but with no experience and a record, he is having such a hard time with jobs. We just have to keep praying. The next day, we were leaving early to drive to my sister's. We tried to call them to make sure they were ready, but no answer. We drove over and could not raise them for awhile. They finally came flying out looking still asleep. She was feeling sick but they both slept on the 2-1/2 hour drive. In fact, they slept most of the day....on the sofa, in the middle of everything. I was not happy about that. My sister has a smaller home and had a house full of overnight company. I hated to suggest that they just go lie down for awhile as I didn't want to mess up her beds. I suggested that we just take them on to the hotel, but Hub wanted our boy close at Thanksgiving. Anyway, I was embarrassed, but everyone was very nice about it. We drove back to our old home the next day. The girlfriend and I went to get a mani-pedi from my old friend. It was good bonding time. We did a little shopping for Christmas decorations and had another meal of good Mexican food. (Can't find a good place here.) We took them back to their house late that evening. That was when we discovered that no one had their keys and their room mates were gone and not to be found. We finally went on to check into our hotel and to call from their. I had requested a suite when I made the reservations. Turns out it was a suite with twin bed sofa in the living room and 2 queen beds in the bedrooms. Yes folks....they ended up staying with us that night. How cozy...my husband and I in one bed, #1 and the girlfriend in the next, and #2 in the living room. Weird, weird, weird. I think that I was the only one a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing. Guess we could of sprung for another room. Yuck! We headed out the next day at noon.

#2 had been on Facebook Friday night and when a former classmate found out that he was in town, SHE asked him to have brunch the next day. This little girl had been his crush when we lived here, so he was stoked. He came in and said "What time is brunch?" :) Anyway, he was excited and woke up at 6:30 to take a shower. The girl and her mom picked him up at the hotel at 8:30 and we told him that we would pick him up at her house at noon.

All that being said, it was a good Thanksgiving. That is if you don't count the fact that Hub and I both got sick on the way home. So much fun to pull over on the Interstate to .....well, you know. We blamed it on the girlfriend. #1 got sick, too.

In my last posting, I mentioned a new chapter. What I was referring to was that I just wonder if this girlfriend is the girl that we have been praying for since our son was born. It's strange to put my mind in that place, but they do seem to make a good team. We like her a lot. Don't want to share a hotel room again, but I like her a lot. More than that, I like "them". She seems to really understand #1 and tries to keep him in a good place. She definitely has a strong personality. She has him on a "short leash". Her words, not mine. Maybe that's good for him right now. He has very little experience in the "independent adult world". She has had her issues, too. Hub says that she's just enough of a bad girl for him. Sounds like she is the under-achiever in a family full of over-achievers. Dad's a ob/gyn; mom is a flight attendant with a PhD (?), one sister is a young, upcoming star in the world of attorneys, another a successful photographer. I even verified all that info through google. (Shame on me.) I also found out that her brother in college was on probation from a possession charge. Finally, someone we can relate to. :) Well, if this his soul mate, I'm happy for him. It's interesting to see them negotiate their lives.

I do have sad news though. I accepted a job this past week. It is with Hub's company, but under a different District Manager. Not for him. I have to go to some classes on the 22nd and 23rd of December (Who thought that up?) and then the job officially starts on January 3rd. It is just a seasonal thing and will probably end with April. Although, I don't like thinking about going back to work, I know that it will be good for me. I want a new computer for Christmas, so now I don't feel so guilty about such a large gift.

One last thing that I want to share. It's a bit of a Christmas miracle about our friend's son that tried to commit suicide a month ago. Things are changing every single day. A few days ago, he was frustrated trying to make his parents understand something. He had taken two years of sign language and he was trying to sign "I love you". They thought he was saying "Rock on". Sunday, he played tic-tac-toe with his mother & won. Made the line through and everything. Yesterday, he spoke for the first time when his sister walked into the room. He said "Hello _____". Very BIG stride. Today, they sat him on the edge of the bed and had his feet on the floor for a bit with weight on them. This is the same boy that they were told to tell goodbye a month ago. If the organ harvesting team had been on duty that night, they would have never kept his body going long enough to see this glimmer. I had felt so angry at the doctor for putting this sweet family through all of that pain thinking that they would never have their son. Forgot for awhile that the doctor was not in charge, but that God was. Anyway, they all have a long, long way to go. As a parent though, I am so happy for them.

Later.