I guess you can tell that I'm working myself up for Christmas. The spirit is getting there, but the body isn't actually following yet. Translation: I've watched Christmas movies all day and ordered a few things online. Other than that I have been a slug all day.
Really I'm not sure that I'm quite through with Thanksgiving. I have thought long and hard about this holiday. I reminded myself many times and truly was thankful for the fact that I still have TWO sons. That fact could of easily changed this year. One is with me and the other is with me in my dreams. I planned what I would wear Thursday so that my outfit would match a necklace that my son made me while he was in rehab. I just wanted something of him close. It broke while I was putting it on with beads rolling all over my sister's bathroom. Guess that "things" don't quite measure up. I kept thinking all day how he was probably imagining all that we were doing. Knowing that family traditions he loved were going on without him. Remembering the circle of family holding hands with heads bowed in thanks. The dinner plates piled too high with good food. Football on the TV. The newest little baby being passed around. Most special to him....the family football game with his dad, brother, uncles and cousins. Family tradition. Somehow I felt a little cheated for him and for me, too.
Then we drove back home and of course I check what is going on with my cyber friends. There was Birdie who has walked her own rocky path with her son giving thanks that it was him and not someone else that fought this fight. Someone else may not have had the support and strength that her son has been blessed with. He has come out stronger and someone else might not have. Her marriage has been tested and proven strong by this reality. I know that we too have been so blessed by a son that is alive to dream of family traditions, by a marriage that sustains us, and the love of an extended family that doesn't truly understand, but tries to. But thankful that this is the walk that is our life? I'm not. The pain is still too raw. I keep a lot of it to myself because Hub is so easily stirred up about the whole situation and that's a whole other painful scenario that I rather not deal with.
So for now, I will just press on to the next holiday. Maybe next year I can reach the level of thankfulness that I wish I could this year. I'm not there yet. Thanks, Birdie for leading the way.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
YEA ME!!!
Can I just say that I'm proud of me? You won't hear me say that too often, but right now I am. I just knocked some major names off of my Christmas list and it is not even Thanksgiving. Omaha Steaks....you are my friend. We have a lot of extended family and I use to spend way too much blood, sweat and tears over shopping, wrapping and mailing presents. It's nuts! I drive myself and everyone around me crazy. Anyway, I have decided on steaks and another company that makes the most fabulous brunch baskets....that the way I'm rolling. Pay just a little extra and they will make them beautifully Christmasy and send them on their way. Priceless!!!
I really have enjoyed this week. It was unseemly smooth. Even got some lower priority jobs done. Today is Friday. Yea! Next week will be a two-day work week. Bigger Yea! Yep, it was too good to be true. All of the crazies waited to come in today. Administration was in back-to-back meetings all afternoon. I had one lady who decided to have a sit-in in my office until she could talk to the principal. I kid you not. She had no appointment and refused to fill out any kind of paperwork to start a grievance. She was there for over four hours. Guess what she was upset over? Her daughter had been called out over a dress code violation. Her cute little precious had the shortest skirt on. Her hoo-ha was showing. I had to ask her to put her backpack in front of her while she sat in my office with her legs spread. Did I mention that this girl was 12? People can be so stupid. Why are we so surprised that most of the schools have to do special seminars on bullying? The parents are doing it every day. I've decided that I have quite a bit of job security. I don't think anyone wants my job.
Also, this week I was in on a meeting with administration and the guy that is head of security for the district. Well that was certainly sobering. This department falls under the Federal Homeland Security. I guess I am glad that there is such a well-researched, well-planned security process in place. Actually, it just makes me sad and question how did we get to this place in society. When I was a kid, if a child was walking home from school and accepted a ride, do you know what your mom would have asked first? "Did you say thank you?" Anyway, the responsibility of this job and the safety of over 1,000 children and adults does weigh on me sometimes. You just pray that there is never an opportunity to use your training.
I have to leave you with a funny story though. I had a student sent down by a substitute for a disciplinary referral. This is a 12 year old boy who is on a low level academically and much lower emotionally. He had a little meltdown in class, telling the teacher that he was nuts among other things. Anyway, he was sent down and because there was no one to handle a disciplinary, I just had him sit in my office until the period was over and then go on to his next class. Well, he was happy as a clam working on something in his notebook. I was impressed. Then he said that he needed some tape. Probably tore something in his exuberance. I turn around to work on something and when I turned back around he was not in his chair. I called for him and he sat back down looking like "the cat who swallowed the canary". Finally, I see it. He has made a sign saying what an amazing and sweet principal that we have and other niceties scrawled in a childlike handwriting. Then he taped it to the Principal's door. OMG. Actually it was probably pretty smart. If you are coming down on a disciplinary, might as well go out as a hero. These guys crack me up.
Well, time to get a little sleep. Another day of fun and games tomorrow.
Later.
I really have enjoyed this week. It was unseemly smooth. Even got some lower priority jobs done. Today is Friday. Yea! Next week will be a two-day work week. Bigger Yea! Yep, it was too good to be true. All of the crazies waited to come in today. Administration was in back-to-back meetings all afternoon. I had one lady who decided to have a sit-in in my office until she could talk to the principal. I kid you not. She had no appointment and refused to fill out any kind of paperwork to start a grievance. She was there for over four hours. Guess what she was upset over? Her daughter had been called out over a dress code violation. Her cute little precious had the shortest skirt on. Her hoo-ha was showing. I had to ask her to put her backpack in front of her while she sat in my office with her legs spread. Did I mention that this girl was 12? People can be so stupid. Why are we so surprised that most of the schools have to do special seminars on bullying? The parents are doing it every day. I've decided that I have quite a bit of job security. I don't think anyone wants my job.
Also, this week I was in on a meeting with administration and the guy that is head of security for the district. Well that was certainly sobering. This department falls under the Federal Homeland Security. I guess I am glad that there is such a well-researched, well-planned security process in place. Actually, it just makes me sad and question how did we get to this place in society. When I was a kid, if a child was walking home from school and accepted a ride, do you know what your mom would have asked first? "Did you say thank you?" Anyway, the responsibility of this job and the safety of over 1,000 children and adults does weigh on me sometimes. You just pray that there is never an opportunity to use your training.
I have to leave you with a funny story though. I had a student sent down by a substitute for a disciplinary referral. This is a 12 year old boy who is on a low level academically and much lower emotionally. He had a little meltdown in class, telling the teacher that he was nuts among other things. Anyway, he was sent down and because there was no one to handle a disciplinary, I just had him sit in my office until the period was over and then go on to his next class. Well, he was happy as a clam working on something in his notebook. I was impressed. Then he said that he needed some tape. Probably tore something in his exuberance. I turn around to work on something and when I turned back around he was not in his chair. I called for him and he sat back down looking like "the cat who swallowed the canary". Finally, I see it. He has made a sign saying what an amazing and sweet principal that we have and other niceties scrawled in a childlike handwriting. Then he taped it to the Principal's door. OMG. Actually it was probably pretty smart. If you are coming down on a disciplinary, might as well go out as a hero. These guys crack me up.
Well, time to get a little sleep. Another day of fun and games tomorrow.
Later.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Football and Chinese
It is such a gorgeous day here. Cool, by our standards, but the sun is beaming. My son has a football game in a couple of hours and this is so the weather that I like to get out an watch a game. This will be his last game of the season (yeah) unless he accepts the invitation to be on the pro bowl team (????). It's a nice honor, but Mom is a little bit ready to have some unstructured Saturdays. We will see what he decides.
Well, it looks like another one of my "personal project" kids is going to be sent to alternative school for a while. It doesn't look like I am doing very well with these projects. I'm not sure why I think I can save them when I couldn't even save my own child. I see so many 12 & 13 year old kids that are left at home alone to get themselves up and off to school. Some make it; some don't. The parents are just doing what they feel they have to. I don't get home until a while after my child, too. I don't like that either. I hate to see the kids pay the price.
Hub and I were officially duds last night. Our son was going to a birthday party so we were going to try again to have a date. (We were suppose to last week while he was at a sleepover, but then he got sick and had to stay home.) This is the way it went. Boy goes to party at 5:30. Man didn't get home until 7:30. Woman wanted to watch last half of "Deal or No Deal....so sad. In the meantime, man falls asleep in chair. Woman finally decides to order in chinese at 8:30. Man eats and goes to bed at 10:00. Son home at 10:15. Woman goes to bed at 10:30. Yep.....that would be official duds. We are too young to be that old! Friday night use to be my favorite night. Now I'm just tired from the week.
I'm really worried about our neighbors across the street. Keep them in your prayers. They are a young couple who are pregant with twins. She is at 27 weeks and she was put into the hospital this week to stay for at least 8 weeks. The babies are impatient. I cannot imagine being in bed for that long. They are scared to death. She is really petitte so I know that this is a lot to carry. Their marriage has been so fragile in the past, that I'm not sure they would get through if they lost those sweet babies.
Well, I need to put in another load of laundry and get ready for football. Hope your weekend is as pretty as ours.
Later.
Well, it looks like another one of my "personal project" kids is going to be sent to alternative school for a while. It doesn't look like I am doing very well with these projects. I'm not sure why I think I can save them when I couldn't even save my own child. I see so many 12 & 13 year old kids that are left at home alone to get themselves up and off to school. Some make it; some don't. The parents are just doing what they feel they have to. I don't get home until a while after my child, too. I don't like that either. I hate to see the kids pay the price.
Hub and I were officially duds last night. Our son was going to a birthday party so we were going to try again to have a date. (We were suppose to last week while he was at a sleepover, but then he got sick and had to stay home.) This is the way it went. Boy goes to party at 5:30. Man didn't get home until 7:30. Woman wanted to watch last half of "Deal or No Deal....so sad. In the meantime, man falls asleep in chair. Woman finally decides to order in chinese at 8:30. Man eats and goes to bed at 10:00. Son home at 10:15. Woman goes to bed at 10:30. Yep.....that would be official duds. We are too young to be that old! Friday night use to be my favorite night. Now I'm just tired from the week.
I'm really worried about our neighbors across the street. Keep them in your prayers. They are a young couple who are pregant with twins. She is at 27 weeks and she was put into the hospital this week to stay for at least 8 weeks. The babies are impatient. I cannot imagine being in bed for that long. They are scared to death. She is really petitte so I know that this is a lot to carry. Their marriage has been so fragile in the past, that I'm not sure they would get through if they lost those sweet babies.
Well, I need to put in another load of laundry and get ready for football. Hope your weekend is as pretty as ours.
Later.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Weekend Stuff
I feel so much better. I got to lay hands on my boy yesterday. It was so good to see him. He had lost a little weight, but I think that is to be expected. We really couldn't talk about his suicide attempt, but I did see the scar. We have been trying to keep that news from his little brother and of course he was with us. The warden came in while we were there and we met with him after leaving visitation. He really is a nice guy. (A true Texas cowboy that probably looks like you guys imagine we all do.) He explained a few things to us and he is suppose to look into some things for us on A's behalf.
My other son has been sick all weekend. My sis-in-law was in town this weekend for an SMU sorority reunion. He was feeling a little better and his fever was down so we took her out to dinner Saturday night and we all just stayed away from him. He also went yesterday and we made him stay away from his brother's face. (They don't get a lot of medical care in there so he has to stay well.) Anyway, on the way back he was feeling worse and threw up big around 10:30. Hence I am staying home today and will call for a doctor appointment as soon as the office opens. I'm really afraid now that he either has strep or the flu. His throat is still sore, still fever, his head hurts and is filled with "stuff". Yuck!
OK I did say that I would put something more uplifting and fun in this post. We had a staff meeting this past week. The principal had us sit in tables according to how much educational experience we had. The table went from 2 years and under all the way to a table for 16 years and more. At one point the principal was making the point/observation that years of experience and age don't always coincide. I was listening, but looking down at a handout, and thinking she's right. We have a lot of really young, extremely qualified experienced teachers. I looked up to see about 10 people looking at me at the 2 years and under table. Oh, hell. I guess that goes both ways. The old lady is sitting at the children's table. It was a little embarrassing, but I had to laugh anyway.
We did several group activities while in our little groups. One was to draw a picture that represented the attributes of our school parents. Our group and others drew two overlapping circles with the positive traits written on one side and the negative traits the other and then the common traits in the overlapping area. Several groups drew literal pictures. They had the captions on each side like "What can I do to help?" "I appreciate the work you put into teaching my child." to "My little precious would never do something like that." "Why can you teach him something? You clearly don't like him." Anyway, what was funny was the picture that one group drew (of course a male teacher was holding the pen) of a woman literally split in half. One side had a smile, a turtleneck sweater and pearls and the other was snarling in a spaghetti-strapped tank top with a boob hanging out. Funniest picture. It was hard to keep the meeting going on with any professionalism after that.
Well, I need to get on to the pediatricians. Thanks for keeping in touch. I enjoy all of your blogs.
My other son has been sick all weekend. My sis-in-law was in town this weekend for an SMU sorority reunion. He was feeling a little better and his fever was down so we took her out to dinner Saturday night and we all just stayed away from him. He also went yesterday and we made him stay away from his brother's face. (They don't get a lot of medical care in there so he has to stay well.) Anyway, on the way back he was feeling worse and threw up big around 10:30. Hence I am staying home today and will call for a doctor appointment as soon as the office opens. I'm really afraid now that he either has strep or the flu. His throat is still sore, still fever, his head hurts and is filled with "stuff". Yuck!
OK I did say that I would put something more uplifting and fun in this post. We had a staff meeting this past week. The principal had us sit in tables according to how much educational experience we had. The table went from 2 years and under all the way to a table for 16 years and more. At one point the principal was making the point/observation that years of experience and age don't always coincide. I was listening, but looking down at a handout, and thinking she's right. We have a lot of really young, extremely qualified experienced teachers. I looked up to see about 10 people looking at me at the 2 years and under table. Oh, hell. I guess that goes both ways. The old lady is sitting at the children's table. It was a little embarrassing, but I had to laugh anyway.
We did several group activities while in our little groups. One was to draw a picture that represented the attributes of our school parents. Our group and others drew two overlapping circles with the positive traits written on one side and the negative traits the other and then the common traits in the overlapping area. Several groups drew literal pictures. They had the captions on each side like "What can I do to help?" "I appreciate the work you put into teaching my child." to "My little precious would never do something like that." "Why can you teach him something? You clearly don't like him." Anyway, what was funny was the picture that one group drew (of course a male teacher was holding the pen) of a woman literally split in half. One side had a smile, a turtleneck sweater and pearls and the other was snarling in a spaghetti-strapped tank top with a boob hanging out. Funniest picture. It was hard to keep the meeting going on with any professionalism after that.
Well, I need to get on to the pediatricians. Thanks for keeping in touch. I enjoy all of your blogs.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
The holidays are coming!
The weeks seem to really be flying. I'm always being reminded by kids that Christmas is just around the corner. Does that stress anyone else out? I feel myself tighten up starting after Halloween knowing that after Thanksgiving, I will be in full blown panic mode. I hate that I feel that way. I promise myself every January that next year I will just let it go and enjoy.
It certainly doesn't hurt that this will be another holiday without our son. I was looking at cards the other day at Wal-mart and saw the Thanksgiving cards. I thought that I should find a good one to send my son. Soon I was crying in the store. "Wish you were here" just didn't seem appropriate. "Have a happy thanksgiving". Are you kidding! I think I was looking for one that said "This just sucks big!" It is hard to celebrate anything when someone you love is missing.
We did get word (that would translate into we saw on the website) that he was moved again this week. He is back to where he was before. Thankfully, he will not be 3-1/2 hours away versus 5-1/2 plus. We plan to get up early tomorrow morning and head over there. We have to hurry back as Hubby needs to work tomorrow night to prepare reports for some visit next week. I'm really anxious to see my boy. I haven't seen him in about 6 weeks. I need to see that he is physically healed, too.
Looks like our Saturday afternoon football game is out of the question. My younger son has a really sore throat and is running fever. His class was on a field trip yesterday and he started feeling bad. He called me at school in tears that his throat hurt. I'm not sure if he was crying from pain or the fact that last night was his best buddy's birthday sleepover. When he is crying to me that he won't be able to go, I know he is really sick. Hub and I had planned to have a "hot date" since he would be gone, but instead we all got in our pj's and rented "Get Smart" to watch. It actually was a pretty good night except for the fact that now all of the "good" Halloween candy is gone.
Well, I need to get busy. Sorry this is such boring post today. I will be thinking about something to tell you that is much less self-indulgent. That's kind of hard though. After all, it is all about me. :)
Later.
It certainly doesn't hurt that this will be another holiday without our son. I was looking at cards the other day at Wal-mart and saw the Thanksgiving cards. I thought that I should find a good one to send my son. Soon I was crying in the store. "Wish you were here" just didn't seem appropriate. "Have a happy thanksgiving". Are you kidding! I think I was looking for one that said "This just sucks big!" It is hard to celebrate anything when someone you love is missing.
We did get word (that would translate into we saw on the website) that he was moved again this week. He is back to where he was before. Thankfully, he will not be 3-1/2 hours away versus 5-1/2 plus. We plan to get up early tomorrow morning and head over there. We have to hurry back as Hubby needs to work tomorrow night to prepare reports for some visit next week. I'm really anxious to see my boy. I haven't seen him in about 6 weeks. I need to see that he is physically healed, too.
Looks like our Saturday afternoon football game is out of the question. My younger son has a really sore throat and is running fever. His class was on a field trip yesterday and he started feeling bad. He called me at school in tears that his throat hurt. I'm not sure if he was crying from pain or the fact that last night was his best buddy's birthday sleepover. When he is crying to me that he won't be able to go, I know he is really sick. Hub and I had planned to have a "hot date" since he would be gone, but instead we all got in our pj's and rented "Get Smart" to watch. It actually was a pretty good night except for the fact that now all of the "good" Halloween candy is gone.
Well, I need to get busy. Sorry this is such boring post today. I will be thinking about something to tell you that is much less self-indulgent. That's kind of hard though. After all, it is all about me. :)
Later.
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