Thanks, Oprah!

Two posts in two days!  Haven't done that in awhile. 

I actually want to use this as kind of a "note to self" because I want to remember what I just heard.  I saw a bit of a show one Sunday morning and set it to record.  I just now turned it on today.  I already know that I need to watch it again to digest it all.  The show is called "Super Soul Sunday" and it is hosted by who else but Oprah Winfrey.  That woman is STILL teaching me lessons.  Thanks, Oprah!

This show has been filled with so many nuggets of wisdom that I want to remember and use to make decisions, comfort myself, live by, etc.

•  The first thing that reached out and grabbed me was that you can't "un-happen" things.  I think that somewhere deep down inside myself that I look for the troubles that we deal with to somehow "un-happen".  Maybe if I wait to deal with this, then I will find out that I don't need to.  It will "un-happen".  FAIL.  Not going to happen.  It's still here and still needs to be handled in some way.  Give up the hope that the past will be different.   Don't live in the space of "if only that hadn't happened."
• There was the analogy used of a picture of what you thought that your life would be hanging on the wall.  It falls down and breaks in a million pieces.  You sit there and look at it and know that it will never put itself back together.  But you can put the picture back together.  It will be a different picture but it can be a good picture.  You just have to put it together yourself. 
• Look for the message in every problem.  Don't fight the problem.  Every problem teaches a message.
• Pay attention to "life".   It's speaking to you all the time.
• Create what you want instead of be stuck on what you don't have.
• "You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people.  But until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed.  You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will ooze through and stain your life.  You must find the strength to open the wound, stick your hand inside, pull out the core of the pain, the memory, and make peace with it?  Make peace with the past."
• When you hold onto the pain, it goes from being baggage to being monogrammed luggage.
• Under the anger is the hurt; and under the hurt is the love.
• Your life is like a rosebud.  We have to "break open" in order to blossom to the beautiful flower that we are intended to be. 
• It is not that we are unhappy because of what we are not getting.  We are unhappy because of what we are not giving.
• When we are in intense pain, we must go forward well.  We are the only models that our children have as to how to deal with pain.  We are their teachers.
• When you look at life through the lens of gratitude, you don't see as many obstacles or hindrances.  You see potential and possibilities.   Then you are an open vehicle for spirituality

Later.

Thanksgiving......family, food, fun, and foolishness.  How much more can one day take?   We had our usual gathering with family.  It was a smaller group this year, but that was good, too.  This time it was just family members so I got to visit more with personally with people I love.   It's all good.  The food...amazing as always.  My sister is the best cook that I know of.  We all brought our contributions to the feast, but she just has that way to put it all together.  YUM!  Fun....there is always family football, crafts and games.  The day goes very fast.  Lots of smiles.   Lots of teasing.  Lots of hugs, kisses and "I love you".  Just what it is suppose to be. 

So then why did I come home sad?  Oh, yes.  There's the foolishness.  That would be added to the mix by my darling boy, #1.  As you know he has himself in a deep well of trouble.  One that no one could escape unscathed.  He has large debts to pay.  Some with money; some to society.  Actually, I think he finally realizes it.   A little too late.  When he and a friend were on foot in the middle of a heavy storm, they sought shelter under the roof of an abandoned house.  They were ticketed with trespassing which broke the agreement of his parole.  There is a warrant out for him.  He told us he was going to run.  We exhausted every chance to talk him out of it.  While we were at a restaurant in Texas, he called a friend to pick him up and disappeared with him.  This can't end well.  They may not want him bad enough to spend a lot of time looking for him, but we all know, that one day he will mess up.  Then the punishment will be more.  I can't blame him for not wanting to go back to prison.  He is so scarred from that nightmare.  I'm also afraid that he won't make it out of this alive.  That is really hard to say/write.  He is depressed about his situation; the girlfriend; the future.  How do you parent this child?   Where is the sage advice that I'm suppose to have?  I've got nothing.   I'm so mad at him and my heart is hurting for him at the same time.  I have no answers.  Only prayers.

Later.

Thank You

If this blog was a person, she would be model thin by now from lack of food.  I haven't been very consistent in feeding it lately.   I mostly use this to "talk to myself" and as a sounding board for the expert therapy that my "bloggy buddies" offer.  For both of those reasons, this has become very valuable to me.  I have made some sweet friends.  I have learned and grown from each of you.  I've learned about crafts and hobbies that look amazing and I want to try, will never try, could not possibly do or don't have a clue about.  I have learned family dynamics from other perspectives.  I've learned more about my own family dynamics through other eyes. 

Some of my biggest laughs have come from right here.  Some people just tell a story so well and I love to listen/read.  I've learned invaluable life lessons.  My eyes have been opened to different viewpoints and ways to live life.  You've cried with me through family losses and trials and I have cried with you for the same.  I've seen you grow as human beings and hopefully, you have seen me grow a little, too.

So, we are entering in to the Thanksgiving season.  Everyone is putting on their thankful.  I want to put mine out and tell you that I am thankful for you.  You are my own private, special friends.  You fill a special place in my heart and life.  You've offered me your hearts, you ears, your tears your guidance and your encouragement.  You've been an anchor and you've been my wings.  Thank you.

Later.

Another Life Lesson

"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone...."   WAIT!   There is sunshine!  Actually, the sun is shining really brightly and we can see it.   YEA!!!

Yep!  She's gone.   We took her to the bus station yesterday!  Whew!  Hub and I then went out for a celebratory breakfast.  I do feel just a little ashamed that I am so happy she has left, but it was just time.  She's not a bad girl, but this "failure to launch" problem needs to be handled by her family; not ours.  She has really set us back financially, not to mention the stress and fights that she has caused.   No more spending two hours of my day, much gas, and even more frustration every day getting her to and from a job.  #2 has been totally disgusted with us that she was living in our home.  She even gave us $200.  Let's see, $200 for supporting her for close to a year.   We should all find a deal like that.  Let me wipe the word sucker off of my forehead.

So...it is just the three of us in our home......until next Wednesday when a dear friend and her daughter are coming to visit for a few days.   Then the next day, #1 gets out of jail.  He will be here for a bit.  He has other legal issues to deal with.  Sigh......

We've had an "interesting" week in the financial world.  On Tuesday night, Hub received a call on his cell phone from the State Police.  They said, "Mr. ________, are you missing a check book?"  That's a question that will start your heart.  Since I'm the family banker, this immediately went to me.  I didn't understand as I keep a pretty good eye online of our accounts.  Well, to make a long story short, wrong Mr. _______.   But wait; it was our son.  When he moved out from the girl, he took his things and moved into a house with some other misfits for a while.  (Misfits is the nicest word that I can come up with.  Coke whore first came to mind.)  Anyway, he was just there for a few days and came to his senses.  Went back though and everything he had there was gone.  We're talking furniture, clothes, obviously checks, car keys, and even a car door that had been bought to work on his car.  Very expensive lesson.  Anyway, Hub told the police to lock up the people and throw away the key.  The account had been closed long ago, so there were no repercussions there.

The next day, I checked our account on-line.  I noted three charges from our debit card for purchases at a computer company .com amounting to about $400.   Whoa!   I called the company and they said that the orders were started in CA and were shipped to NH and PA.  The items had already shipped so there was no stopping the order.   They gave me the account number and marked the account as fraud.  Not much help to me.  Called the bank and they red carded my debit card so that it any other charges would be tagged.  Still doesn't help me get back my $400.  Went to the bank to start the process to "contest" the charges.  The manager had to cut up my debit card.  That hurt to watch.  Especially since my new one hasn't come in yet.  Then I had to go to the Police Station to file a report.  The detective takes one look at my statement and cheerfully says "Oh, I ordered a computer from them."   Congratulations.  Did you use my card?  He also let me know that probably not much would happen except show the bank that I am serious about getting my money back.  Not what I wanted to hear, but I appreciate his honesty.

So what have we learned from this experience?

1. Officer said that to use credit card versus debit card for online purchases.  It is easier to get a credit issued than try to get money back.
2. If you are trying to make a purchase online and there is an issue and it sends you back to the start to re-enter everything, stop right there.  You can be being sent to a hacker's site and never even know it.    (I actually had this happen 2-3 weeks ago, so I think this is when they got the numbers.)
3. Don't let anyone else use a debit card with your name on it.  The bank manager said that Visa may give us trouble because my husband had my card in his wallet for 2-3 days.  I'm the only one that carries our debit card.  We went out to eat the Sunday before and I didn't want to carry my purse.  I gave it to him and he put it in his wallet.  The restaurant even had him sign the ticket as sometimes happens when they run it through as a credit instead of a debit.  Proof positive that he had it for Visa.  Doesn't even matter that we are married and the card is on a joint account.  Isn't that nuts?
4. I hate mean, dishonest people.

Got to go finish cleaning the guest room and guest bathroom.

Later.