Warning. This isn't pretty.

Some days are diamonds......and then there's today. I'm not sure how much more I can take of THE GIRL. I didn't bear her; I didn't adopt her; I didn't even invite her, but here she is. The help that she has been for my son is well noted. It has come at a heavy price though. Supposedly, she is leaving Tuesday to go live with her sister. The same sister who didn't want any part of her a few weeks ago when she was there. Her other sister didn't want her there either. We have heard crazy stories about her dad and all the ways he has done her and her mother wrong. And then there are the calls and e-mail from her mother that turned on my lights to the fact that she is not on the up and up either. Maybe we have a "family tradition" going on here. Just for the record, the side of her family that doesn't want or understand her.....dad is a prominent OB/GYN; sister is listed in Texas Monthly Magazine as an up and coming star of an attorney (a big deal down here), the other sister is a photographer. On the other side we have THE GIRL and her mom. Mom is a flight attendant with a PhD who is 58 and told us that she was 2 months behind on her rent. (?) She was extremely eager for her daughter to live with us. I will be the first to admit that education and status does not always make the person, much less make them good. But which side seems a little more trustworthy?

Hub and I even confronted her this week about the benefits of telling the truth all of the time. Of course, she turns on the tears and Hub immediately turns into a wimpy man. Wish he would do that with me. Nothing good will come out of this. Whatever happens, in the end I will be the blame and the bitch. Am I the only one that wants to scratch out eyes when a man pulls out the "women just can't get along" bullshit? That right up there with "are you on your period?" I will not deny that there aren't some valid issues, but that blanket excuse just does not cut it or dismiss what is happening.

Guess what brought things to a head this weekend? This week Hub was out-0f-town for part of the week; I have worked extra hours each day and was called in on my day off due to people being out; #2 son was sick and missed most of the week of school. #1 son has been working on weekends and THE GIRL has been home sleeping until 10-11, smoking, playing on the computer and eating 5 squares a day. I'm not exaggerating. The girl is slim, tall and can put away the groceries better than my sons. I have been spending over $200 a week on groceries plus fast food. I've had a hard time planning meals as everything was half eaten. Some days she would pick up or do some laundry. We were always very grateful and she would tell us over and over all that she has been doing for #1 son. All her computer surfing time has been to look for him better jobs. RIGHT! I had Friday off as I had put in so many hours. I finally decided to just start asking her to do specific things around here. I was busy cleaning house, so I asked her to dust. I asked her to get the rest of her things out of the guest room and take them upstairs where they have the whole floor. I've asked her this several times. I finally picked up some of the things and put them on the staircase as a hint. I asked her to get her things out of the dryer so that I could use it. We had to entertain one of Hub's clients last night and went out to a nice restaurant. She and #1 didn't understand why they were not included. To a business dinner????? She slammed around pissed as she made some dinner for herself and the boys. She then let me know how she did the dishes and emptied the dishwasher. Big whoop! Today when we came home with a carload of groceries, I asked for her help. She did and then slammed things around. Then told me my purse was in her way of putting things up and made a big display that I had bought more peanut butter when we had some. YES. I AM MAD OVER PEANUT BUTTER. As silly as that sounds. It was just the last straw. She pouted around all afternoon and when #1 son came home, told him that she didn't want to come downstairs and cried. Maybe this is why God gave me boys, because I am sick of it. The worse part is that the men in my life fall right in to it. Except for #2 and he keeps asking me when they are going to move out. He is tired of the drama. Oh, and when she leaves, she is leaving the dog with us. Lucky us. We are a "dog-loving" family, but I didn't want to deal with a puppy. Especially one that belongs to someone else. She is chewing the edges and doing "other things" to my new rugs. We already have 2 dogs which we had already agreed that we would never have more than 1 again. She is tormenting the other two. And she is getting to be a big dog. I've never been comfortable with big dogs in the house.

All of this has done nothing but make Hub and I at each other's throats. A "damsel in distress" causes this man to lose any sense that he has. We have discussed the situation at length. He has shared frustration at her lies and elaborations. We have marvelled at the audacity of her family (or her mother) to drop her on us, even at 24 years of age. We have discussed what this is doing to our family. But let her flirt and all the reason goes out the window.

I even like THE GIRL on a lot of levels. I just can't stand to be lied to, used, taken advantage of, or to see anyone I love have the same happen to them. I feel that she is stunting my son by telling him that he can't do anything without her being the "wind beneath his wings". As much as he sometimes drives me crazy, there still is a mother lion in here wanting to protect my child and family.

Not sure what the future will hold for us and THE GIRL. Although her mom has promised to send her the money, I will probably even have to pay for the bus ticket that takes her away on Tuesday. Just like we did when she had to go back to see her probation officer a couple of weeks ago. Funny, we have never received the check mom promised to send us for that. Can't wait to find out what will happen when her sister throws her out of her house again. I just feel trapped with this. She knows a good thing. She will be back. Is anyone else stupid enough to take this girl in? Any takers? I really do believe in giving people a chance. I'm just done right now.

Thanks for letting me throw some of this out. I'm totally choking on it and needed a place to spew.

Later.

Things that make me go "hm-m-m-m-m".

It's January 1; New Year's Day. A day that always seems to make me reflect and become philosophic about my life. Somehow "the meaning of life" will be come clear today. Right. Just like it did last year. Probably doesn't help that I'm watching Oprah Winfrey debut her new network. Or does it? Leave it to Oprah to give me more words to think on. At the risk of sounding like an Oprah commercial, I want to share a few thoughts as they flow through my crazy, impressionable head.

I just heard Shania Twain say that the two most important questions of life are "Why?" and "Why not?". Not sure if they are THE most important, but I can identify with them anyway. Most of my conversations with myself are a bit of both and could fall into those two categories. Why does/should/did this happen to me/them/you? Why shouldn't/wouldn't/couldn't/didn't this happen to me/them/you? Why do I/you do/say/think that? Why do I not do/say/think that? I need to adjust that to "I choose" to let/make/accept this to happen or "I choose not" to do the same. No big news flash here. We have all been told this. "Take your power back! " Books, magazines, preachers, counselors, friends have put that out there for years. There is one part to this that seems to be missing. How do you do that? I mean, how do you REALLY do that? How do you get others to agree and cooperate so that you can "take your power back"? As powerful as it sounds, some things you just can't "take".

"If you get, give. If you learn, teach." Words that stand alone from Maya Angelo. I love her wisdom and her gift for expressing it.

Sarah Ferguson talks about getting in the way of her own healing. (How many times have I done that myself? Can you say "my own worst enemy"?)

"At the end of the day, this is our story." Lisa Ling's words. What I need to hear is: At the end of the day, it is my story and I am responsible for it.

So bottom line is that these are a few things that made me go "hm-m-m-m" today as I think about the coming year. I just really want to make it count.

Happy New Year!

Later.