Twenty-one

Today my baby turned 21. We plan to go see him Sunday if they haven't moved him again. When they are moved, they can't have visitors for awhile. We found out that he had his wisdom teeth removed last week. (Does it get any better?) They had been bothering him, but he kept trying to put it off until he got out as the only thing he would be allowed for pain afterward is Tylenol. I guess it got to be too much.

My messages say that the adoption agency called while I was at work today. I will have to find a private moment to call them back tomorrow. I'm sure his birth mother has called wanting to know about him. I expected her to call. I thought about her today, too. We leave message through the agency. I always sent letters and pictures every year, but not now. The ball is in his court now. He's an adult. He has never written her. He has started to several times, but now he doesn't know what to say. I think he still wants to make her proud, too. What a struggle. He doesn't mind if I try to give her some kind of an update, but it is getting tougher to put in a positive light. She has had her own struggles and some of his weaknesses, as well as strengths, are from her. But she chose to give him life and made us a family so I will forever be in her debt.

If you are lucky enough to have your children close, please give them an extra hug. There are two mothers tonight missing their one son.

Later.

As the World Turns

Thanks for the kind words of support. Last Friday was a really tough day. The students were hurried to their homerooms as soon as they got to school. There a prepared statement was read that their classmate was gone. Everyone got the same info at the same time. There was lots of crying and phone calls to parents to pick them up. The library was set up with extra counselors as a "safe room" to go to to talk and cry. The counselors did a great job. Everything was in place to help the students just get through that day. I loved on lots of kids amid the busyness of the day. The toughest part to me was late in the day when the dad and sis brought the student's book to turn in. It made it all so real. There will be a memorial service for her this coming Wednesday night for the students.

Somehow it seems that all of this was enough to send me on over just a little into the depths of dealing with my own life issues. I don't mean to sound so melodramatic, but it has become a habit just to go on deal without dwelling on our different situations. I'm not sure which is healthier but this gets me through the days. The other route just seems to immobilize me.

My son turns 21 this week. It seems like we lost so many years of his life. Some were lost to drugs and some to prison. Sure wasn't the way we planned. I have been blessed to have a lot of letters from him that I would probably have never had. I was terrible about writing my mother. His letters show one of the neat sides of him that I love so much. His heart side.

So with all that said, this week is almost gone and I have lots of little projects started, and some even completed, but mostly a big mess. I need another week....or year. I just installed under cabinet lights over my computer desk in the kitchen. It's so nice to have my area bright, but man, where did this extra dust come from? I need to do something better with all of these wires, too. Yuck! Would like to have a laptop of my own in the future, but I have a really nice PC and I'm kind of bonded with it.

Yesterday, I got plastered. Actually, the walls in my downstairs bathroom did but I couldn't resist the lame joke. Hub went to Home Depot a little while ago to pick up my wonderful deep red paint so later tonight we will see what kind of a plaster job I really did.

Guess I need to get ready to paint. Hate the "getting ready" part!

Due to a special request, I have added an e-mail to this account. Write me.

Later.

You're safe.......

How do you tell a child that their friend is gone? How do you tell anyone for that matter? Tomorrow this will be done over and over again. Tomorrow 12, 13 and 14 year olds that heard the word "leukemia" only a few weeks ago will learn that this "word" has taken the life of their classmate. Many will come to school already knowing the news. Stories travel fast and after the announcement is made during first period, all will know. The words "extra counselors will be on site and available" will come to life. A "safe room" will be made available. Plans for 8th Grade Banquet and Graduation should, and were, being made. This plan wasn't "ours".

So tomorrow we have to be adults. We have to steer the children in a safe direction. We have to keep the privacy of a grieving family intact. You just want to scoop these kids all up in your arms and say "You're safe; this really sucks and I'm so sorry your hurting." But that's not exactly the way things have to be done these days. Too much legal water has gone under the bridge. Personal feelings are overshadowed by professional guidelines. "Let the professionals handle it" is the mantra. There will be concerned parents calling to know if their child is O.K. Heck, I don't know if I'm O.K.

So please stop and say a little prayer tomorrow for a grieving family and school. Pray that the "adults" will handle all of this in a compassionate way to help these students deal with a tough dose of life. Pray that all will know and feel "You're safe; this really sucks and I'm so sorry your hurting."