Thanks for the kind words of support. Last Friday was a really tough day. The students were hurried to their homerooms as soon as they got to school. There a prepared statement was read that their classmate was gone. Everyone got the same info at the same time. There was lots of crying and phone calls to parents to pick them up. The library was set up with extra counselors as a "safe room" to go to to talk and cry. The counselors did a great job. Everything was in place to help the students just get through that day. I loved on lots of kids amid the busyness of the day. The toughest part to me was late in the day when the dad and sis brought the student's book to turn in. It made it all so real. There will be a memorial service for her this coming Wednesday night for the students.
Somehow it seems that all of this was enough to send me on over just a little into the depths of dealing with my own life issues. I don't mean to sound so melodramatic, but it has become a habit just to go on deal without dwelling on our different situations. I'm not sure which is healthier but this gets me through the days. The other route just seems to immobilize me.
My son turns 21 this week. It seems like we lost so many years of his life. Some were lost to drugs and some to prison. Sure wasn't the way we planned. I have been blessed to have a lot of letters from him that I would probably have never had. I was terrible about writing my mother. His letters show one of the neat sides of him that I love so much. His heart side.
So with all that said, this week is almost gone and I have lots of little projects started, and some even completed, but mostly a big mess. I need another week....or year. I just installed under cabinet lights over my computer desk in the kitchen. It's so nice to have my area bright, but man, where did this extra dust come from? I need to do something better with all of these wires, too. Yuck! Would like to have a laptop of my own in the future, but I have a really nice PC and I'm kind of bonded with it.
Yesterday, I got plastered. Actually, the walls in my downstairs bathroom did but I couldn't resist the lame joke. Hub went to Home Depot a little while ago to pick up my wonderful deep red paint so later tonight we will see what kind of a plaster job I really did.
Guess I need to get ready to paint. Hate the "getting ready" part!
Due to a special request, I have added an e-mail to this account. Write me.
Later.
2 comments:
I think we need those deep moments of introspection, painful as they may be sometimes. If you don't process your feelings, they'll come out anyway at some inappropriate time, leaving you wondering where the powerful feelings came from.
You've got a heavy load to carry; are you part of a parent support group? As predictable as it may sound, being with other parents who know exactly what it's like really does help. They know the shorthand of your experience, and you can speak from the heart without lengthy explanations. The group we attended was part Al-anon, part Nar-anon, part support group.
I went back two weeks ago to thank them and tell them what results came from their assistance. Two new parents were there (one wondering if it was going to help at all, one about to send her son to camp) who needed to hear what I had to say.
Ask around. There's a group for you somewhere.
And thank you for the email address. You've got mail.
Sometimes avoidance is survival. Sometimes, falling down bawling and screaming is survival. Sometimes hugging other people's children is survival. Sometimes painting, decorating, shopping, that's survival.
You're doing it. Surviving. Much love to you!
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