I feel like I'm entering a new chapter this weekend. We called #1 son the other night just to check in. He let us know that he and his girlfriend will be driving over on Saturday. First of all, even for him, this doesn't make a lot of sense. It is a 6 hour drive and we will be heading his way on Wednesday. What's up? My mother/woman's intuition tells me that it's the girl.
I wrote a lot more here, but I've erased it. I will let you know after I meet her.
It has been 10 days now and our friend is still hanging on. His parents now have signed up for a website that allows you to give updates for seriously ill patients. We get 2-3 updates per day. They are so optimistic. Each one makes me wonder how truly realistic they are. I'm not there. I'm not privy to the doctor's reports. The whole thing is just too sad.
Remember when Hub and I went to Mexico to celebrate our 25 wedding anniversary? A news story caught my eye Monday and there has been a big explosion at the resort we stayed at. 7 people were killed and others injured. This is so sad to me. Not just for the people who lost their lives, but that place was special to us. We had an amazing time. I can't bear to think that any of it is destroyed. hhtp://sunshineandfingerprints.blogspot.com/2008/05/paradise.html
Well, I need to go do something constructive. But first, I think I will have another cup of coffee and think about it.
Later.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Update
Things are still the same for our friend. His family is spending their days outside the room, praying for survival. The prognosis is still not good. One person can go in at a time but they can not touch him. He is still in a coma and on life support. The brain pressure has gone down just a little. There has been talk of trying to stimulate him a little and see what happens. Also, they talked of seeing if his lungs would kick in. Right now, that is just talk; they've done nothing. My brother got to go in the other night. Of course, he said that he was unrecognizable.
I keep putting myself in his mom's place. (I guess that's a weird quirk of mine, but that's how I deal with things. Unless it is actually happening to me; then, avoidance is the quirk.) They have already been told that what made him "him" is already gone. The only positive thing I've heard is that he may have a little sight. Earlier, they felt that the optic nerves were so damaged that there would be none. Would he be aware if he can see? Would there ever be any communication? Would he ever be more than a body? Only God knows. I would think that there would be some wrestling with these facts going on in the family.
As parents, there is so much moral, social, heart-led pressure that we would want our child with us "no matter what". We would be considered terrible, unworthy, selfish parents/people if we didn't. Right? But what about the child? IF he had a moment of realization would know that he is trapped in a hellous existence forever. What about the mother and father that will sacrifice their lives to keep a body clean and safe? What about a daughter that has to watch her parents continue to suffer and know that when they are gone that the mantra would pass to her? But we want him to be here no matter what or how. He's our son and brother. Right?
Having a child who has lived a hurtful, painful life seems to open up other mom's to some hard truths. I've had two different moms confess to me really hard mom secrets. One very close friend lost her son at 20. We met when our boys were both very small and often traded off babysitting. They bore the same name and both broke our hearts. One with alcohol and the other with drugs. Her son seemed to finally be on a more positive path, but one night by himself at his apartment, he drank until he passed out, vomited and choked to death. What a legacy. Anyway, one night his mom and I were talking about the boys and she said that I was the only one she could say this out loud to, but that it was a bit of a relief. It was always something with him; always waiting for the other shoe to fall. Wondering where he was or getting a call from the police or from jail. She knew that he too was miserable. Now at least he found peace. Another mother's son was taking a very, very similar path as ours. He was just about a year behind and going into a second rehab. She shared a conversation that they had. She told him that if this was the path that he felt he had to take, that she would rather have him dead. My husband was floored and thought she was heartless. I understood.
So I have lots of questions and viewpoints, yet I do realize that there is only one answer. The one that God has decided. It will be the best even if we don't see it. It sill just makes me wonder.
Later.
I keep putting myself in his mom's place. (I guess that's a weird quirk of mine, but that's how I deal with things. Unless it is actually happening to me; then, avoidance is the quirk.) They have already been told that what made him "him" is already gone. The only positive thing I've heard is that he may have a little sight. Earlier, they felt that the optic nerves were so damaged that there would be none. Would he be aware if he can see? Would there ever be any communication? Would he ever be more than a body? Only God knows. I would think that there would be some wrestling with these facts going on in the family.
As parents, there is so much moral, social, heart-led pressure that we would want our child with us "no matter what". We would be considered terrible, unworthy, selfish parents/people if we didn't. Right? But what about the child? IF he had a moment of realization would know that he is trapped in a hellous existence forever. What about the mother and father that will sacrifice their lives to keep a body clean and safe? What about a daughter that has to watch her parents continue to suffer and know that when they are gone that the mantra would pass to her? But we want him to be here no matter what or how. He's our son and brother. Right?
Having a child who has lived a hurtful, painful life seems to open up other mom's to some hard truths. I've had two different moms confess to me really hard mom secrets. One very close friend lost her son at 20. We met when our boys were both very small and often traded off babysitting. They bore the same name and both broke our hearts. One with alcohol and the other with drugs. Her son seemed to finally be on a more positive path, but one night by himself at his apartment, he drank until he passed out, vomited and choked to death. What a legacy. Anyway, one night his mom and I were talking about the boys and she said that I was the only one she could say this out loud to, but that it was a bit of a relief. It was always something with him; always waiting for the other shoe to fall. Wondering where he was or getting a call from the police or from jail. She knew that he too was miserable. Now at least he found peace. Another mother's son was taking a very, very similar path as ours. He was just about a year behind and going into a second rehab. She shared a conversation that they had. She told him that if this was the path that he felt he had to take, that she would rather have him dead. My husband was floored and thought she was heartless. I understood.
So I have lots of questions and viewpoints, yet I do realize that there is only one answer. The one that God has decided. It will be the best even if we don't see it. It sill just makes me wonder.
Later.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Prayer Request
Where do I start? I want to ask for your prayers and thoughts for a dear family that is living a total nightmare right now. We got word this morning that the 24 year old brother of our niece-in-law killed himself last night. He was upset over a girlfriend breakup, put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. His mother was home, heard the shot and held him while the ambulance came. They spent the night at the ER trying to stabilize so that his organs could be harvested and taking care of the "business" of donation. Then, they said goodbye to their son. They left early this morning to run home and shower and return to escort him to the funeral home.
Later this morning, things took a different path. The law says that there has to be a second opinion before organs can be donated. The second neurosurgeon decided that there was some, yet faint, brain activity. He was taken into surgery for several hours and large portions of his damaged brain was removed. He is now on life support. They said he did raise his hand to try to remove a throat tube. No way of knowing at this time how much activity is there.
What do you pray for now except "Thy will be done". I have been known to pray boldly and specifically for cures and recovery and jobs, etc. But now what? For this type of hell to go on for years? What path do you pray for?
This boy/man was so full of love and life. Always a smile. Always something funny to say and he said it with a marvelous English accent. He was singer for a band that seemed to finally be getting a little of a following. I remember dancing with him at his sister's wedding. He was 19 and wanted me to teach him the two-step. Didn't go to well, but he was fun. :) I remember how sweet it was for his band to play a set at this fabulous reception. I remember him singing to his sister. It was a very happy day.
My mind has been on his mom all day. How will she deal with the sound of that shot echoing in her head forever. We had become good friends with his parents as the nephew's wedding truly united two families. Wonderful people and so very much fun to be around. She and I clicked right off and we see them every time we go to visit my brother & family. They lived a life of privilege with love for others at the center. About a year ago, we went to see the new home that they had built. He is soon to retire and they decided to stay in Texas instead of moving back to England. They built a dream home to entertain family and friends. Not much of a dream home right now.
Anyway, thanks for letting me get some thoughts out. My heart is so heavy. Please pray for all of them. They will all need lots of prayer and compassion right now; whatever the turn out.
I think I will go hug my son now....go hug yours.
Later.
Later this morning, things took a different path. The law says that there has to be a second opinion before organs can be donated. The second neurosurgeon decided that there was some, yet faint, brain activity. He was taken into surgery for several hours and large portions of his damaged brain was removed. He is now on life support. They said he did raise his hand to try to remove a throat tube. No way of knowing at this time how much activity is there.
What do you pray for now except "Thy will be done". I have been known to pray boldly and specifically for cures and recovery and jobs, etc. But now what? For this type of hell to go on for years? What path do you pray for?
This boy/man was so full of love and life. Always a smile. Always something funny to say and he said it with a marvelous English accent. He was singer for a band that seemed to finally be getting a little of a following. I remember dancing with him at his sister's wedding. He was 19 and wanted me to teach him the two-step. Didn't go to well, but he was fun. :) I remember how sweet it was for his band to play a set at this fabulous reception. I remember him singing to his sister. It was a very happy day.
My mind has been on his mom all day. How will she deal with the sound of that shot echoing in her head forever. We had become good friends with his parents as the nephew's wedding truly united two families. Wonderful people and so very much fun to be around. She and I clicked right off and we see them every time we go to visit my brother & family. They lived a life of privilege with love for others at the center. About a year ago, we went to see the new home that they had built. He is soon to retire and they decided to stay in Texas instead of moving back to England. They built a dream home to entertain family and friends. Not much of a dream home right now.
Anyway, thanks for letting me get some thoughts out. My heart is so heavy. Please pray for all of them. They will all need lots of prayer and compassion right now; whatever the turn out.
I think I will go hug my son now....go hug yours.
Later.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Drama.
I have a confession to make. It's morning and I just had an egg.....followed by a snack size Hershey bar. I need an intervention with LHCA (Leftover Halloween Candy Anonymous). I feel so much better admitting that. Not really. I will probably have another one in a bit.
A lot of "busy" has been going on here. We got through the birthday party/family reunion/family zoo. It was fun and so good to see everyone (almost). My week consisted of (1)go to grocery store; (2) cook; (3) clean; (4) repeat. I don't know what I was thinking, but most people came in earlier than I had expected. Of course, that means more meals and entertaining. I stayed busy throwing frozen lasagnas in the oven, making homemade chili and cornbread, salads and sandwich trays, appetizers, and anything else easy to keep large groups fed. I was so glad that I had dinner catered the night of the party.
#1 son brought two 20-ish friends (a guy and a girl) with him to the party. Actually, they were here for 4 days. Everyone brought their laundry to wash here. Everyone was first on the spot when food was being served. Everyone left their towels and sometimes clothes in the bathroom. To be fair, his friends were good houseguests...to the best of their ability. They all stayed upstairs in the loft except for the constant trips back and forth to the back patio to smoke. :( I knew the girl from years past. She was a friend of a girl/slut that #1 was crazy about for years. She would came over to the house with her and was definitely the better of the two. Since then, she had married, had a baby, been deserted by husband and at one time was dancing to pay the bills. She wore Daisy Duke shorts with low cut tops showing her tattoos (and other things) the whole time she was here. I asked #1 if she had anything else to wear for the party, but he said that most of her clothes were stolen by a roommate recently. Everything she had was going to feed her baby. She really was a sad case. Very sweet but definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Couldn't help but like her and also feel sorry for her. I decided to take her to Goodwill and buy her some clothes, but I'm sad to say that when I could finally get away, they were leaving.
These guys caused plenty of drama the night of the birthday party. One of our nephews came who is 32 with the maturity and mentality of maybe a 15 year old. He decided to just "crash" here instead of going to the hotel room that his mom had reserved for him. (Not sure why I didn't go to the hotel and use his room.) He did fit in well with our three 20-ish people; but he did add fuel to the flame....literally. During the party, I looked out the window to see a very large fire on my back patio. I ran out to see my chimnea crammed with wood sticking out of the top and burning.....on my COVERED back patio. The four stooges were just sitting there admiring their work not seeing anything wrong with this plan. They never got up. Hub came out and helped to move it just past the roof and then went back in. I think everyone thought that I was mad and upset enough that they should stay out of my way. They were probably right. It had been a stressful day. Anyway, big sparks are still flying out the top and going toward the roof and everywhere else. I was fit to be tied. I got the garden hose and started trying to put it out. It was a really hot fire and I couldn't understand why it was so hard to get out. There was a thick column of black smoke that just kept coming. I found out later that Einstein had added some diesel fuel to the chimnea to get it started. They were using treated 2X4's and not the kindling that we had for it. The scary thing is that Einstein is not only is 32 but he owns a large farm/horse ranch. (Brother-in-law left the kids really well off.) Out of everyone, he should known better. (If he only had a brain.)
Late that night after everyone had gone to bed, I was cleaning up the kitchen and started hearing yelling upstairs. I could hear a girl crying and my son yelling to everyone to get the ____ out of his (?) house. I was afraid that it was close to getting physical and woke up Hub who ran upstairs in his undies. (Never a dull moment.) I told the girl to come downstairs and talk to me. She's crying about how she and the guy were breaking up and she didn't know what to do. #1 came down and put in his two-cents. The other boy decided to get in his truck and leave. He was drunk and it had been raining and he slid into a ditch not too far from the house. He got his truck out just as a policeman came by. He just told the boy to be careful going home. I'm sure it was a funny picture as he was wearing my sons pajamas. (Sock monkey pajamas that I had bought him one Christmas.) He came back and was crying, too. He loved her. (Oh, Brother. Where's Hub you ask? Back in bed.) Finally at around 3 A.M., I called a Come-To-Jesus meeting on the front patio with the three 20-ishs. Our nephew never came down. (Maybe he does have a little bit of a brain.) I got on to all of them because they had been drinking all day long and were just acting stupid. I reminded the girl that this behavior could easily cost her custody of her son. #1 and the other boy are also crazy about the baby so I told them that they owed it to him also to set an example and to not make it an unsafe, unhealthy place for him. They had formed a bit of a "family unit" and they can't forget it. Finally, I sent them all to bed and told them not to talk about any of it until the next day.
At 7:15 the next morning, we were awaken by the two cousins from Indianapolis who stopped by to tell us goodbye. (Good thing I am crazy about them. I was really sleepy.) I opened the back door to let the dogs out and found our nephew outside asleep in two chairs pulled together. He came in for coffee and was talking at Hub around the breakfast table. (I say "at" because that's how he rolls. He never shuts up and knows everything.) I curled up in a chair in the den, but could hear. He said that he went out there after the drama. He was complaining that it had started raining a bit so he had to pull in closer to the house. Then, he started feeling water in his face. The sprinklers were going off. See! There is justice in this world. I loved it!!!!
Later.
A lot of "busy" has been going on here. We got through the birthday party/family reunion/family zoo. It was fun and so good to see everyone (almost). My week consisted of (1)go to grocery store; (2) cook; (3) clean; (4) repeat. I don't know what I was thinking, but most people came in earlier than I had expected. Of course, that means more meals and entertaining. I stayed busy throwing frozen lasagnas in the oven, making homemade chili and cornbread, salads and sandwich trays, appetizers, and anything else easy to keep large groups fed. I was so glad that I had dinner catered the night of the party.
#1 son brought two 20-ish friends (a guy and a girl) with him to the party. Actually, they were here for 4 days. Everyone brought their laundry to wash here. Everyone was first on the spot when food was being served. Everyone left their towels and sometimes clothes in the bathroom. To be fair, his friends were good houseguests...to the best of their ability. They all stayed upstairs in the loft except for the constant trips back and forth to the back patio to smoke. :( I knew the girl from years past. She was a friend of a girl/slut that #1 was crazy about for years. She would came over to the house with her and was definitely the better of the two. Since then, she had married, had a baby, been deserted by husband and at one time was dancing to pay the bills. She wore Daisy Duke shorts with low cut tops showing her tattoos (and other things) the whole time she was here. I asked #1 if she had anything else to wear for the party, but he said that most of her clothes were stolen by a roommate recently. Everything she had was going to feed her baby. She really was a sad case. Very sweet but definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Couldn't help but like her and also feel sorry for her. I decided to take her to Goodwill and buy her some clothes, but I'm sad to say that when I could finally get away, they were leaving.
These guys caused plenty of drama the night of the birthday party. One of our nephews came who is 32 with the maturity and mentality of maybe a 15 year old. He decided to just "crash" here instead of going to the hotel room that his mom had reserved for him. (Not sure why I didn't go to the hotel and use his room.) He did fit in well with our three 20-ish people; but he did add fuel to the flame....literally. During the party, I looked out the window to see a very large fire on my back patio. I ran out to see my chimnea crammed with wood sticking out of the top and burning.....on my COVERED back patio. The four stooges were just sitting there admiring their work not seeing anything wrong with this plan. They never got up. Hub came out and helped to move it just past the roof and then went back in. I think everyone thought that I was mad and upset enough that they should stay out of my way. They were probably right. It had been a stressful day. Anyway, big sparks are still flying out the top and going toward the roof and everywhere else. I was fit to be tied. I got the garden hose and started trying to put it out. It was a really hot fire and I couldn't understand why it was so hard to get out. There was a thick column of black smoke that just kept coming. I found out later that Einstein had added some diesel fuel to the chimnea to get it started. They were using treated 2X4's and not the kindling that we had for it. The scary thing is that Einstein is not only is 32 but he owns a large farm/horse ranch. (Brother-in-law left the kids really well off.) Out of everyone, he should known better. (If he only had a brain.)
Late that night after everyone had gone to bed, I was cleaning up the kitchen and started hearing yelling upstairs. I could hear a girl crying and my son yelling to everyone to get the ____ out of his (?) house. I was afraid that it was close to getting physical and woke up Hub who ran upstairs in his undies. (Never a dull moment.) I told the girl to come downstairs and talk to me. She's crying about how she and the guy were breaking up and she didn't know what to do. #1 came down and put in his two-cents. The other boy decided to get in his truck and leave. He was drunk and it had been raining and he slid into a ditch not too far from the house. He got his truck out just as a policeman came by. He just told the boy to be careful going home. I'm sure it was a funny picture as he was wearing my sons pajamas. (Sock monkey pajamas that I had bought him one Christmas.) He came back and was crying, too. He loved her. (Oh, Brother. Where's Hub you ask? Back in bed.) Finally at around 3 A.M., I called a Come-To-Jesus meeting on the front patio with the three 20-ishs. Our nephew never came down. (Maybe he does have a little bit of a brain.) I got on to all of them because they had been drinking all day long and were just acting stupid. I reminded the girl that this behavior could easily cost her custody of her son. #1 and the other boy are also crazy about the baby so I told them that they owed it to him also to set an example and to not make it an unsafe, unhealthy place for him. They had formed a bit of a "family unit" and they can't forget it. Finally, I sent them all to bed and told them not to talk about any of it until the next day.
At 7:15 the next morning, we were awaken by the two cousins from Indianapolis who stopped by to tell us goodbye. (Good thing I am crazy about them. I was really sleepy.) I opened the back door to let the dogs out and found our nephew outside asleep in two chairs pulled together. He came in for coffee and was talking at Hub around the breakfast table. (I say "at" because that's how he rolls. He never shuts up and knows everything.) I curled up in a chair in the den, but could hear. He said that he went out there after the drama. He was complaining that it had started raining a bit so he had to pull in closer to the house. Then, he started feeling water in his face. The sprinklers were going off. See! There is justice in this world. I loved it!!!!
Later.
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