Some days are diamonds......and then there's today. I'm not sure how much more I can take of THE GIRL. I didn't bear her; I didn't adopt her; I didn't even invite her, but here she is. The help that she has been for my son is well noted. It has come at a heavy price though. Supposedly, she is leaving Tuesday to go live with her sister. The same sister who didn't want any part of her a few weeks ago when she was there. Her other sister didn't want her there either. We have heard crazy stories about her dad and all the ways he has done her and her mother wrong. And then there are the calls and e-mail from her mother that turned on my lights to the fact that she is not on the up and up either. Maybe we have a "family tradition" going on here. Just for the record, the side of her family that doesn't want or understand her.....dad is a prominent OB/GYN; sister is listed in Texas Monthly Magazine as an up and coming star of an attorney (a big deal down here), the other sister is a photographer. On the other side we have THE GIRL and her mom. Mom is a flight attendant with a PhD who is 58 and told us that she was 2 months behind on her rent. (?) She was extremely eager for her daughter to live with us. I will be the first to admit that education and status does not always make the person, much less make them good. But which side seems a little more trustworthy?
Hub and I even confronted her this week about the benefits of telling the truth all of the time. Of course, she turns on the tears and Hub immediately turns into a wimpy man. Wish he would do that with me. Nothing good will come out of this. Whatever happens, in the end I will be the blame and the bitch. Am I the only one that wants to scratch out eyes when a man pulls out the "women just can't get along" bullshit? That right up there with "are you on your period?" I will not deny that there aren't some valid issues, but that blanket excuse just does not cut it or dismiss what is happening.
Guess what brought things to a head this weekend? This week Hub was out-0f-town for part of the week; I have worked extra hours each day and was called in on my day off due to people being out; #2 son was sick and missed most of the week of school. #1 son has been working on weekends and THE GIRL has been home sleeping until 10-11, smoking, playing on the computer and eating 5 squares a day. I'm not exaggerating. The girl is slim, tall and can put away the groceries better than my sons. I have been spending over $200 a week on groceries plus fast food. I've had a hard time planning meals as everything was half eaten. Some days she would pick up or do some laundry. We were always very grateful and she would tell us over and over all that she has been doing for #1 son. All her computer surfing time has been to look for him better jobs. RIGHT! I had Friday off as I had put in so many hours. I finally decided to just start asking her to do specific things around here. I was busy cleaning house, so I asked her to dust. I asked her to get the rest of her things out of the guest room and take them upstairs where they have the whole floor. I've asked her this several times. I finally picked up some of the things and put them on the staircase as a hint. I asked her to get her things out of the dryer so that I could use it. We had to entertain one of Hub's clients last night and went out to a nice restaurant. She and #1 didn't understand why they were not included. To a business dinner????? She slammed around pissed as she made some dinner for herself and the boys. She then let me know how she did the dishes and emptied the dishwasher. Big whoop! Today when we came home with a carload of groceries, I asked for her help. She did and then slammed things around. Then told me my purse was in her way of putting things up and made a big display that I had bought more peanut butter when we had some. YES. I AM MAD OVER PEANUT BUTTER. As silly as that sounds. It was just the last straw. She pouted around all afternoon and when #1 son came home, told him that she didn't want to come downstairs and cried. Maybe this is why God gave me boys, because I am sick of it. The worse part is that the men in my life fall right in to it. Except for #2 and he keeps asking me when they are going to move out. He is tired of the drama. Oh, and when she leaves, she is leaving the dog with us. Lucky us. We are a "dog-loving" family, but I didn't want to deal with a puppy. Especially one that belongs to someone else. She is chewing the edges and doing "other things" to my new rugs. We already have 2 dogs which we had already agreed that we would never have more than 1 again. She is tormenting the other two. And she is getting to be a big dog. I've never been comfortable with big dogs in the house.
All of this has done nothing but make Hub and I at each other's throats. A "damsel in distress" causes this man to lose any sense that he has. We have discussed the situation at length. He has shared frustration at her lies and elaborations. We have marvelled at the audacity of her family (or her mother) to drop her on us, even at 24 years of age. We have discussed what this is doing to our family. But let her flirt and all the reason goes out the window.
I even like THE GIRL on a lot of levels. I just can't stand to be lied to, used, taken advantage of, or to see anyone I love have the same happen to them. I feel that she is stunting my son by telling him that he can't do anything without her being the "wind beneath his wings". As much as he sometimes drives me crazy, there still is a mother lion in here wanting to protect my child and family.
Not sure what the future will hold for us and THE GIRL. Although her mom has promised to send her the money, I will probably even have to pay for the bus ticket that takes her away on Tuesday. Just like we did when she had to go back to see her probation officer a couple of weeks ago. Funny, we have never received the check mom promised to send us for that. Can't wait to find out what will happen when her sister throws her out of her house again. I just feel trapped with this. She knows a good thing. She will be back. Is anyone else stupid enough to take this girl in? Any takers? I really do believe in giving people a chance. I'm just done right now.
Thanks for letting me throw some of this out. I'm totally choking on it and needed a place to spew.
Later.
3 comments:
I'd sit hubby and #1 down and say "Look, either she goes, or I go. I'm getting an apartment with #2 and y'all can kiss my ass."
Then when she goes, take the dog to the pound and then tell #1 if he doesn't get his shit together, he can go too.
You said something very key...#2 asking when they were moving out. I can't imagine what all this drama and tension is doing to him. He's already been in the backseat a bit with #1s issues and even though second children will never say it, he wants and needs that attention.
I say play the bitch card. It's your house. Take it back.
(Text me if you need an ear!)
OMG my word verification is "Disent"
What Rox said. Amen.
Why should anyone change if you're the one who is paying the consequences? Hand the problem right back where it belongs, offer advice, and show them the door. Not money.
This is about your own survival, emotionally, and no one can do that for you but yourself. Do NOT let the girl back in your home. She is poisonous to your family life.
Hugs and prayers, sweetie.
Amen Sistas!!! I agree with the girls. Remember when I said "what your permit, you promote?" You have permitted WAY too much. If her family won't even take her in and tolerate her antics then that's your sign. I'm not going to repeat what the girls have said above, there's no need. She is poisonous! You may think she's helping your son, but I'm sure many people have thought the devil was helping them out too. Take back you family and your home. And take the dog to the pound, you don't need another one. Like I said before... write up a contract and give them a time limit. We had to do the same thing with our #1. Your house your rules. Don't let this break up your marriage and letting your kids and their 'friends' make the decisions will break up your marriage. There is a reason why you are the adult and they are the kids.
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