Happy Father's Day, Daddy

Dear Diary,

Father's Day 2011 is almost over. It doesn't take Hallmark to remind me of Daddy. I can only wish that I could send him a card. I still miss him every day. Not so much the missing that makes you weep or sends you spiraling out of control. Just the reminder that I'm just talking to him in my head about daily life. He was my cheerleader with all of the answers. Not that he would just hand those answers over. He took way too many pschology classes for that. But somehow, he would direct me into finding my own answer. (Or at least thinking it was my own answer.)

Life can be really hard sometimes. He was my constant. Always there. Always believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. Always loved me. I really want to ask him about what to do with his grandson. He is driving us over the cliff. Of course, I do know in my heart what he would say. He would just say "Love him." He would say it quietly, powerfully, and in a way that I knew he understood.

Daddy was my first boyfriend. My brother told me once that when I was little I never called him "Daddy". I called him "My Daddy". Guess I was marking my territory. When I became an adult and lived in another city, it was not unusual for him to call me on Monday mornings as I was walking/running into the office. On the other end: "Hi Kid. Just called to say hello and tell you I love you. Have a great week."

Anyway, can't send him a card. He left for Heaven 27 years ago next month. If I could it would say something like...."Thank you for the wings you gave me. Thank you for the guidance you gave me even when I paid it no mind. I still heard you. Thank you for loving me like no other. I miss you, Daddy and I will love you forever."

Yep, Dear Diary, that's what it would say.

Happy Father's Day, My Daddy.