I told you before that my son had been moved again. Getting information out of "the system" takes James Bond sometimes. We finally got a letter from him this past Tuesday. He seemed to have as hard time of writing about it as I am having a hard time typing it right now. Where he is at has a medical/psychiatric facility. He said that on September 29th he slit his wrist. He went on to tell us in a long letter how depressing things were and hopeless. He has no future. Only the present and that is all memories of what he has done and how he has hurt those around him. He talks about the vicious circle of racism in prison, dirty guards, and paranoia. It seems like the demons he carries with him will never let him be. My heart is broken for him. As parents, we are suppose to be able to comfort our children. I know that I cannot "fix" him, but I can't comfort him either. He can't have visitors now and when he is moved, probably won't be able to for awhile either. I pray that he is getting some counseling, but if it is like the medical care we have seen, he will just be told "don't do it again". Please pray for him that he will have the strength to just get through all of this with his sweet heart still intact and not hardened. This will probably even set back his release date to add salt to the wound.
This has been such a busy, busy,tough week at work. I'm glad it was only a 4-day week. I'm not sure that I could of squeezed another day out. It did keep me from thingking about our lives. We've had a series of extended family deaths and illness in the office. The 3 people around me were all out one day and I had to do their jobs plus mine. I also had some meetings and had to beg some help for my desk. It was probably good that others got a taste of it. It was full steam ahead. It was good though that I was too busy to think. I try really hard to put on a smile there and happened to have gotten several compliments last week. If they only knew what I was hiding. There are only a couple of people there that know about my son. They are administrators and I had just told one last week, because I want to be a help with some of the troubled teens. It's not any one's business and I know that I didn't really understand until I had been put into this spot. I don't want to deal with that right now.
Our nurse had to leave suddenly for a personal emergency this week as well. I was so afraid that a serious injury would come in on my watch. I can do the "mama things" like take temps, put on band aids, and tell them they will be fine and go back to class. I have a district first aid class this week to take. It's good just to have although I'm not looking forward to the responsibility that comes with it in the school setting.
Love on you children.
Later.
3 comments:
I will definitely pray for your son. I can't imagine your pain in knowing the pain he is in. My prayers will definitely be with your entire family! Hang in there!!!!
Oh shit.
That poor kid. I hope he has the strength to get through this. Can you write to him? At least he is in a safer place and hopefully they can help him in this troubled time.
I don't have the words to comfort you. Just know that I'm here if you need me.
Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry to hear about your son. He has lost hope, and hope can take you through almost anything. Keep in touch with him. Let him know of your love for him. I will pray for him, that he sees that there will be hope someday if not right now. It is so hard for the young to see past today. Prayers for all of you, too. I lift you up into God's care.
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