My boy is home!

He's home! I haven't posted anything about this as there are so many emotions going through my being. Relief that he made it through alive....disbelief when I think of all he has dealt with...fear of the unknown future.....frustration when I see old familiar actions or family dynamics.....sadness when I see my hurt little boy.....delight when I see him taking a positive step.

He came out with a beard, longer dirty hair, thin, tired and in old worn clothes that they give them to walk out in. He looked rough and rather Anthony Hopkins-ish only with dark hair. His hair is thinning now and he looked much older. I didn't recognize him at first. We were warned by volunteers there from a prison ministry that he would be a bit disoriented as he had traveled to get there; breakfast was served at 2 AM and it was now 10:30; he had gone through several departments to process, and of course, he hadn't slept well in days from excitement. They told everyone to take him somewhere to eat first thing.

We had waited in a family area for about two hours. There were probably 100 people waiting for loved ones inside and outside on the street across from the prison. Some had several family members there. We were told that many men come out with no one to meet them or even care if they were out or not. I couldn't help but wonder about their stories. Some looked very familiar with the process. Others were like us: scared and uncertain. There was a very old woman. I wondered if she were meeting her son or husband. I wondered how long she had waited.

We had planned to take him to a restaurant with a big buffet. After what he had been eating, we thought that would be heavenly. Instead he wanted to go to a Chili's. Turned out he just wanted to have a beer with his meal. That was probably more of a "I'm my own man now" statement from him. Wasn't sure if that was the best thing for him, but whatever. He was free and I could touch him.

We had brought him clothes to change into which he started changing into in the middle of the street by the car. No modesty now after what he had been accustomed to. I bought him a shirt with an eagle on it and the words "freedom" written across the chest. Hub's sister's lake house was about an hour away and available so we went out there and spent a few days. It is one of his favorite places to be. First thing he did was go take a long, hot shower to get that place off of him. He did get a haircut a couple of days later. Color me happy!

The next few days were pretty up and down. His cousin came out and spent the night with us. The two of them are very, very close and it was so sweet to see them excited to see each other. Two very different young men. One is "Joe College" with the world on a string and then there's our son. Cuz has always been very sensitive and supportive to him. A great cousin. The next day we had a massive water gun and water balloon war before Cuz had to leave. It was great fun. So normal. Other times, he just doesn't know what to do with himself. His anger can get the best of him and he will quickly go into a "prison mode" of speech. He did learn a few more colorful words while there. He is very reactive, which we expected, but still not easy to deal with.

We went into town the evening before we left and had dinner with my brother and sis-in-law. We went to a very nice Italian restaurant and everyone made my son feel special and welcomed. You should have seen the waiter's face when he carded my son before serving him a glass of wine. The only ID he had was one that showed him with a shaved head and the words OFFENDER stamped across it. Poor waiter didn't know what to do. He was embarrassed but we both giggled.

On the way back to Arkansas, we took a detour by our old home. I guess for a little closure. We were only there for about 24 hours and he got to see a few close family friends. It seemed really odd bringing him in to our new home and showing him around. We simply could not get the loft ready for him in time and he is still in the guest room. (Movers lost the rails to his bed.) He is part of us; not a guest. He was so happy to see the pets. They are getting lots of loving.

Not sure what the future will bring, but like they say, I know who holds the future. We are reminded all the time at how much life experience he lost due to drugs and then being locked up. One night, he signed up for a seemingly fly-by-night Internet college from a pop-up on the computer. I found out when I got an e-mail about a receipt from the $50 he had wired from his bank account. We suggested to him we check it out a little bit first.

He is gone this weekend to see some another close cousin who lives about 6 hours away. This guy is a good influence on him and we encouraged him. He has been driving around town, but he has never taken a longer trip by himself. I printed out maps and directions, but I realized he was in a bit of a panic. I tried to show my confidence in him, told him to call and let us know how he was doing, and prayed hard as he left. He called frustrated and wanting to confirm directions 20 minutes after he left. Then he called probably 15 times through the trip. He was so afraid he would miss a turn or not sure how to navigate. I kept Mapquest up and tried to assure him that I knew exactly where he was and he was good. He would say "I'm passing a school. Do you see it?" Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. :) He got there and I think has a sense of accomplishment. Just what he needed. I had better stay by the phone on Tuesday when he heads back. He will NEVER be able to figure out how to reverse the directions. :)

That's probably enough on the subject for tonight. Thanks for all the support and prayers you have offered.

Later.