Best of times; worst of times

What a roller coaster we are riding! It is so good to have four of us around our table again. I fixed all of his favorites while Hub set the table in the formal dining room. While we all held hands, Hub said the sweetest prayer thanking God for blessing our family so richly. Then as soon as he gulped down his dinner, our Man/Child ran out the door to go meet some woman/slut that he met in a pool hall. Not exactly a Norman Rockwell moment. Actually, I think that being locked up has made my son into a bit of a slut, but that's another story.

Last night he made a big deal about wanting to take his little brother to a movie. Basically, I think it was a good excuse to not go to a church function that we wanted to go to. We have been trying to talk to him about his money and how his spending is out of control but he insisted how he wanted to spend time with his bro. We told him it was his money. We left and in the middle of our dinner both of our cell phones start ringing. Turns out he decided to go to a restaurant first for dinner. His ATM card was declined, so he had to use the rest of his cash. He wanted us to bring him money to go to the movies. I just told him that I was sorry and suggested that they go home and watch a movie that we had rented. We came home 1-1/2 hours later to find little bro in tears. They came home and in a few minutes my Man/Child told his little bro that he was going to leave and go see another woman/slut. (My words, not his.) At least he didn't take little bro with him.

This morning, he decided that he wanted to make us all breakfast. He always "thought" that he was a good cook, but he has lost a lot of his knack. He started in pretty excited with himself. I bit my tongue as he banged around in the kitchen pulling out everything and turning the burners up to high. Then some girl calls and he bragging how he is cooking for everyone. I kept seeing the mess going all over the place and finally I had to walk out of the kitchen. I realized that the house was getting smokey and told him to turn on the fan in the hood. I turned around to see flames and then a pillar (literally, a pillar all the way to the ceiling) of fire as he tried to put the flaming pan in the sink. I screamed; Hub was close and ran to help. I was sure that we had a hole in the ceiling, but luckily there wasn't. There were dark marks where the flames had "licked" the ceiling. Man/Child went out mad because I was telling him what to do. Hub got a ladder and soap and water to try to clean the ceiling. (Can you say "enabler"?)

He REALLY needs a job. He needs something constructive to fill his time and work off some energy and frustration. Incidents like today worry me to death about him though. If we had not been here, he could have been killed and our home destroyed. He is a 22 year old without the basic life experiences to get to 22. I so wish he could go into the military. He told my husband that being free was hard. He has not been able to make any decisions for himself so he's not to adept at it. The military would probably be such a good segue. They will not take him with a record though.

I do feel so sorry for him. On top of everything else, his birthmother wrote him shortly before he was released. She had been placed in a psych hospital. This has not been the first time. We knew that this had happened in the past but had downplayed it to our son. Our understanding was that her family requested it before. They live in the North and she in the Southwest so I don't know what happened. This time the state likely placed her there. She's 42 now and a bit of a loose cannon but we had hoped that she was on a better path. She sent him her "consequences" list that they had given her. Like how she could earn TV time or group walks, etc. She was always saying how he was going to come live with her and he talked about going out there, too. Now he just talks about how he came from a psycho. She also told him that she found out that his birthfather died a year ago. Who knows if that is true. How much more can he deal with?

I knew that this would be tough on all of us, but I prayed and prayed that it would be tolerable. I AM so glad he is home. I can't think on the hell that he has lived through. He just scares me on several levels. For him; for our family; for our marriage, etc. I feel that familiar old black cloud coming over us. We are all getting stressed out. We are still working on counselling.

Sorry to be such a downer.

Let's talk about The Bachelorette........

Later.