I'm pretty scattered these days. Our house is on the market so I am doing the "perpetual cleaning dance". YUCK! We just got back from a house hunting trip. We found some good houses; each in a different city. We haven't found the "perfect" house, but there is one that is a favorite. We found the areas beautiful and the people really friendly. Hub is enjoying his work.
We are starting to feel apprehensive about the move. Surprisingly, we found the real estate to be quite a bit higher than where we are. I came back and looked up cost of living comparisons and the numbers confirm it, too. (Not sure why I didn't do that before.) We are planning on downsizing so somehow I thought that we could come out closer to even. Anyway, seeing what it is going to take to get a smaller, comparable house there is a little depressing. This is suppose to be our retirement house....someday.
Anyway, this is all a leap of faith. We have really felt good about it until now. I hate second guessing. It's unproductive. I think that having a new environment for our son to come home to will be a positive. Our home now has many happy memories, but it has some very bad ones, too. We all have been looking at this as a new start. So-o-o-o if the house sells immediately, I'm not sure what we will do. If it doesn't sell immediately, I'm not sure what we will do. Nothing like a big dose of indecision.
This is my last week at home before school starts for me. The kids have another week off. This summer has gone so fast. I'm really not ready for it to be over. It's not the work....it's just doing it for 8 hours a day that bothers me. ;) How will I fit it in?
We are going to see our son this coming weekend. That will be another 6 hours each way. I think my backside must be attached to a car. We have had so many car trips lately.
I'm anxious to see how he is doing. His birthmother was suppose to come see him for the first time this past weekend. She was driving from two states over and at the last minute she got a job for the weekend. As the saying goes..."she doesn't have a pot to piss in" and needed the money. What a place and situation to meet your birthmother. He was excited and she was, too. I'm sure he's hurt. I don't know if he got her letter that she couldn't come before the weekend. At 41, she is still a mess and sometimes we see the same thinking processes in our son. Scarey! I think she has a good heart, but no sense whatsoever. Our son gave her Hub's cell phone number so they have talked several times during the past 2-3 months. My son is trying to protect my feelings. (I did hear him call her Mom and truthfully that did hurt. He's in a tough place.) Actually, I am more afraid that she will show up on our doorstep wanting us to take her in. She made us a family and we will be eternally grateful for that. But she could be a disaster.
Well, that probably takes care of the highlights. I have been keeping up with everyone's blogs but haven't found a lot of words to write myself. My little mind is muddled. (That's a good word!) And maybe befuddled. (Better word!)
Later.
4 comments:
The whole house hunting ordeal makes a knot in my stomach. You know you are currently living in the Land of Milk and Honey when it comes to housing and cost of living. Everyone wants to come here. For some reason or another our state keeps costs down. I wonder if it's all the industry we have here?
Hope you have a smooth week.
The whole "birthmother is a flake" thing must be a strange thing to have to deal with. Hopefully someday, your son will be able to see for himself what a blessed child he is for being raised by the two of you. Cycles can be broken. Isn't it weird though that he's got some of her qualities yet wasn't around her? Nature vs. nurture huh? Wild!
(Why am I talking like Spicoli?)
My head would spin too with all that is going on in your life. Change is difficult enough without having the added pressure of dealing with someone who may bring unneeded drama to the family.
It was times like this when I had to go into "one day at a time" mode. The future had so many options that it was fruitless and maddening to consider them all. Don't take on added responsibilities at all right now; say no to all requests! You have more than enough on your plate.
I hope it brings you some measure of peace to know that prayers are being lifted on your behalf.
I've been in the same situation with my Dads...not wanting to hurt either of them. I am sure that it hurts to hear him call her mom. I know it hurts my dad (step-dad, but the one who raised me) to know that I have a good relationship with my bio-dad. Sometimes it feels like I'm walking a tightrope between the two, but I'm not willing to give up either one of them! I will tell you it was a huge relief from lots of pain when I was younger to finally get to know my bio-dad. Hopefully it will be the same for your son and he'll be able to leave that pain behind him.
And yes...nothing like indecision! haha I do hope your move goes smoothly and that it all works out for you guys!!!
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