Family Guilt

I never really thought that I came from that strange of a family. The older I get I realize that no one has the "normal" family. I guess all of the fruitcakes make it interesting.



My brother and I were talking a couple of weeks ago about the fact that none of us had heard anything about our mother's only sister in a long time. I have to accept most of the guilt factor here as I am the only one of my siblings that lives in the metroplex where she lives. We went to see her 7-8 years ago when we first moved here. It's not that we don't like her. She was wonderful a aunt. I'm even named after her. (Although I hate my first name and it is a total secret.) It is just the child in me that hates it when she cries and gushes every time I walk in a room. She is always so excited to see her namesake. See why I feel heavy guilt!!!! She is in her 80's and we knew that she had been moved to another retirement village but couldn't find out where. She is extremely wealthy and evidently one of her granddaughters tried to take advantage of her so the facilities are tight lipped.



My aunt has had a sheltered, privileged life, yet a lot of tragedy. Her ex-husband was on the forefront of oil exploration in Alaska in the 50's - 60's. Became a multi-millionaire and then (of course) had an affair with his secretary. My aunt had a nervous breakdown when he wanted a divorce. They had 3 children. They were all 16-20 years older than I. (This is where it sound like a TV movie.) Oldest son was smart but always kind of a jerk. Really impressed with Daddy's money and followed him around. (Ever seen J.R. Ewing on the TV show Dallas?) Grew up to be a divorced alcoholic with not very much. The daughter had the brains, business sense and beauty. She won beauty contests, college homecoming queen, modelled for Neiman-Marcus,etc., and as her youngest cousin, I thought she was absolutely amazing. A real-live Barbie doll. I'm sure I was a pest. She ended up marrying 3 times; having one son; starting a computer business at just the right time and making a ton of money. The last time I saw her was at my wedding. She was still beautiful. Then about 5 years later, her then husband murdered her for her money and business. He smothered her, said she died in her sleep and immediately had her cremated. Took two years to prove it and convict him. Turns out he had murdered a previous wife, too. (Told you it sounded like a TV movie.) Her father (my uncle) died the following year of a broken heart. She was always his pride and joy. Then there was the youngest son. Really, really smart, but socially inept. Had to follow in his flamboyant siblings shadow. You know how that goes. When I was a teenager and visit my aunt, he would keep me up all night talking. Nobody ever really paid him a lot of attention, so he took advantage of having a captive audience. He and his wife and baby were at my wedding, too. All my friends asked me later who the man was in the rumpled suit with baby spit up down the back. His wife was said also to be wearing a sheer skirt with no slip. Quite a pair, but I never noticed. I was glad they travelled a long way to my wedding and a little too happy to care anyway.



So why is all of this in my mind tonight? I received an e-mail from my brother and since our conversation about our aunt, he had been looking for info on the internet. He was looking at obits and came across that our cousin (the youngest boy) had died 2-28-08. None of us ever knew. It makes me feel so sad. The obit said nothing about family or anything other than he's gone and buried. So much potential and so much sadness. I really don't know what to make of it. We were family, we were first cousins, yet he goes and nothing is said. A whole family that had so very much yet so little.



Okay, so this post has gone off on a weird journey. If anyone is still reading down this far, I'm sorry. Don't know where to go with this. Just talking out loud and letting a little family guilt out.



Later.

Ups and Downs

This has been an incredibly up and down day. I went to work today. I do enjoy it most days, it gets me out, dressed decently, around nice people and a little pocket change. It was hitting me a little that Thursday will be my last day until next September. That was the good news and the bad. I'm looking forward to spending more consecutive days on a few projects (hopefully) and I do enjoy summer, but I will miss the people I see there.

Then there that thing about no one having a job in this family. Hub has had more depression lately about the whole situation. He's feeling pretty bad about himself and tired of me finding projects that he "has" to do right now. He's not much of a home improvement project kind of guy although I must say he is getting better. It's hard trying to keep things going in a positive mode. I feel bad because he has really been on my butt the last couple of days about anything and everything and tonight I let him have a little bit back. I was like don't get me started.... Anyway, I know he is just letting off some tension and flexing his male ego feathers, and I have worked at trying to be supportive, but I'm in this thing, too. Maybe I need to try to take it out here and not so much on him. He did get an e-mail from a company today that wanted to schedule an interview that could be interesting. Doesn't sound like it pays quite as much but it is worth looking in to. You wouldn't believe some of the companies that have contacted him. Some people may make a lot and be quite happy with some of these ventures, but I don't think it's for us.

We went to my son's last ballgame of the regular season tonight. They lost, but played a good game and it was fun. He made a home run, a double, and some really cool outs playing first base. It was enough to earn the game ball tonight so he was really proud. He had gotten one when we were in Mexico, so we were surprised that they awarded him another. They try to spread them around to encourage all the kids, but I have to say he did deserve this one. He wanted to go have Mexican food to celebrate, so that's what we did. Big surprise.

Later tonight, a neighbor and good friend called after we had played phone tag all day. We were talking about her MIL who found out a couple of weeks ago that she has a brain tumor. Her surgeon seems very certain that it is not malignant but it is suppose to be between a golf ball to tennis ball in size. Anyway, I have really been worried about her. MIL is having surgery in a week and we were making arrangements for my friend's kids to stay with us. We have gotten close to MIL and FIL, too, and have spent Christmas together and lots of sporting events for the kids. They are wonderful people and I just really hate that they have to go through this. Not only the pain and emotions of brain surgery, but on top of that scars, shaved head, etc. She is an attractive woman and always looks nice and takes care of herself. Anyway, keep her and her family in your prayers. I pray her surgeon is right.

After that my older son called. He is suppose to get out in June, but I know that sometimes it gets stretched out. He is so very homesick as we are for him. He was asking about different details about the house and his old room. Makes me wish we had not changed anything. It seemed like every painted room, etc. made him feel farther away. There will adjustments for all of us to have him back. It's been a hard year.

Well, on that cheerful note.....I need to go to bed. Tomorrow we get to go to Home Depot and find out what floor leveler is all about. After that maybe we can finally get the boys bathroom tiled. Hub has it all in a mess right now with the floor torn out. The cabinets are painted, but we need to put the doors back on and install new hardware. Me and my bright ideas......

Later.

Paradise

Well you asked for pictures. The first one is a picture of some of the Lagoon Villa Suites. You have a private entrance and each building contains four suites each surrounded half way with water.

Below is the view from our patio. Across was the private pool (yes I said private) for our guest level. Doesn't that sound snobby??? Actually we were in the highest level which did have its privileges. See all the little thatched roofs? The large one is the bar complete with pool service; the one on the left is our concierge; the one on the right is for the bathrooms; and all the others...those would be separate king size four-poster beds for laying around the pool and taking a nap. Doesn't that sound decadent. I'm not much of a "public" sleeper, but Hub took some nice naps there. Next is a picture of our pool area from the other direction. There were several pools - some quiet, some not - and flowers everywhere. This was a huge resort, but the walking was really good to walk off the meals.

The bed was in the center of the room with the bathroom behind and a walk-in closet and potty room to the right. Everything was white marble and huge. Directly behind the half wall is a big, two-person Jacuzzi and then the Mayan shower was off of the back wall. We had separate vanities on either side. And if you leave a little tip under your pillow.......this is what the romance fairy leaves. By the way, those are real flowers.

This is the living area which has one of hub's favorite things. A 42" plasma. The cabinet houses the frig and a well-stocked bar. Who needs that at an all-inclusive? It's a lot more fun to go down and have some cute bartender make you up something. I discovered "Bahama Mamas". Yum!

This is what we came to visit.....the Caribbean Ocean. Notice the para-sailors. Looked beautiful but don't think I could do that. I probably would not enjoy it because of all of the screaming. Oh, that would be me!

One day we took a ferry over to the island of Cozumel. Below is a picture coming into port. There were porpoises jumping in the water coming over and I think everyone of the boat saw them but me. Hub said they were pretty and graceful.

This is Iggy. That's what I named him. He lived underneath a bridge going to the beach. This is really a zoomed in picture because this chick isn't going to get this close to an iguana. I heard there were also spider monkeys in the forest close to the ocean. We didn't see any though except for the ones in Playa del Carmen that a guy had to take your picture with. Would have loved to have seen them in their natural environment. Don't know how friendly they would have been though.

On the Wednesday, our actual anniversary, we went to the spa after breakfast. There we had massages, facials, pedicures and manicures. They took Hub and I into separate rooms and he was mad because I had a really cute masseuse. (I had told them to give him the cuter one as my present to him.) Oh, well. His was pretty too, but you could tell mine was wearing a thong underneath her white pants. That's all it took. Men! Anyway, between the soft light, candles and music, I think I fell asleep through part of it. That's embarrassing. It was just too relaxing.

We spent the afternoon at the pool and had reservations at the International Grill for dinner. Hub out did himself. He went up to the restaurant while I was getting ready and made special plans with them. The people there were amazing. When we got there, they took us out to a great table on the veranda. Our server was so sweet. We already had gotten a drink while waiting for our table. Then he brought us a Green Apple Martini and a Cosmo as a treat. Then he brought over the ice bucket of champagne and popped that. Hello-o-o-o. That makes four drinks and I usually like water or tea with dinner.

Then after an amazing dinner we were sitting at the table listening to the band playing in the courtyard. You won't believe this but they started playing the first song we ever danced to when we were dating. (Hub didn't schedule that.) He wanted to dance right there but about that time several servers came in. The first guy gave me a beautiful white lily. Then they brought a cake that they had made that said Happy Anniversary. (It was actually tasty.) Then they had a large tray with a big silver dome over it and opened it to reveal Dan's present. I felt like royalty....but it gets better. Dan bought me a pretty carved wooden box. In it was a picture of us from 25 years ago and the most beautiful love letter. He said that he would add a letter to it every year. (Now I don't have to be jealous of your journal, Chrissa. Hee, hee.)

It was perfect. After dinner, we just walked around, snuggled and talked. We didn't even go to the show that night.

OK. That's my mushy story. I will have to remember it when I am mad at him, but right now, I guess I will have to keep him.

We are back from paradise and back to reality. Yuck. But I'm not going to ruin my story with that.

Peace and love.

Hola mi amigas! We got back Saturday afternoon....had a fabulous time...met some really nice people (half of Canada was there)....had a romantic anniversary....the resort totally spoiled us....I'm brown yet peeling like crazy and most of the laundry is caught up. That being said, I really want to talk about that later. (I will get pictures out. We broke our camera last week and I need to do some work.)



What I want to talk about is a little boy that I don't know and now never will. His name was Paul, he was 11 and died in his sleep Saturday night. Evidently the family went to our church yet I did not know them. He went to the Christian School (FWC) so it has hit a lot of families there. I read about him in the newspaper this morning and it said that he died as a result of Kawasaki Disease. You can look it up if you want at mayoclinic.com. It usually hits children 5 and under; there is no known cause; it is hard to diagnose; has really strange symptoms; it is not contagious or hereditary; you are really sick for quite a while and it can be fatal. My older son had it when he was 4-1/2. The disease had only even been named 6-7 years before that at the time. The nurses at the hospital had to be sent over info about this disease because no on had been trained in it. The treatment is heavy doses of gamma globin within 10 days of onset and long term treatment with aspirin. That's all. Hasn't changed in 15 years. My son's fever spiked to 106. Thank God he was in the hospital at the time.



OK with that background you can imagine what a nightmare it is for a family. Hub says that I should contact this mom since most people have never experienced this disease. I guess the question of the ages keeps floating in my head.....why this mother's son? How were we blessed enough to keep ours? How can I talk with her without feeling so blessed but also guilty at the same time that her heart is broken in two. Selfishly, I'm not sure how to get through this.



I looked at the Mayo Clinic site and there is one thing that has been studied now that there has been more history. They say that this can have long term mood changes and different thought processes. My son's heart has been thoroughly checked out and even had a heart cath at 15 after he passed out running track (another nightmare). His heart seems unscarred. Now the studies are showing that moods and thoughts could be affected by the disease. He was diagnosed with ADHD and Learning Disabilities at an early age. He was given medication to help with the symptoms of these. What if this was it the whole time? I think having a known reason for this could have made a change in his life. As much as we tried, he still felt stupid and different. Having something to blame it on that was not of his control or necessarily his brain could of made a difference. Maybe.



Anyway, that is what is hovering around in my brain today. Lots of "ifs" and "whys".



Chrissa, I'm so happy for your good news; and Roxanne......what do I say? Your "TMI" made me laughed. Never heard a poll quite like that one.



Later.

Adios!

It's almost here! This time tomorrow we will be on the Caribbean and pouring sand out of our sandals. Can't wait. We looked online at some pictures on traveladvisor.com until we made our son sick of us. Saw some pictures of the villa suites and they look marvelous. This is a picture of our Mayan Shower. Not a very good picture but enough to think I might like it. You go through a door from your bath, down a plant-lined walkway and then it is open aired. Isn't that cool?

I need to go finish packing. I'm already stressing trying to find a beach coverup that I bought. I thought it was so cute and now I don't know if it made it from the fitting room to the checkout.

Anyway, you "peeps" have a great week! (Since there is just two of you is it "peps"?) Adios, mi amigas!

Oops!

Oops! This should have been added below. Anyway, enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3feMz3rPo4

and no, that wasn't me on stage!!!

My Little Gino Story

I told you that I was tell you my Gino Vanelli story. I don't have too many cool stories from youth (that either I can remember or care to tell). Anyway, I think you will get a kick out of my little adventure.

I didn't go to a lot of concerts when I was young. Too young, too boring, too afraid. But I did go to a Gino Vanilli concert in the very late 70's, early 80's. He had long, curly flowing hair then. He had a hit then with "I Just Want to Stop". Anywho, my friend and I went with her older sister and her friends. Toward the end of the concert, my friend and I HAD to go potty and snuck out. Well, the first bathroom was busy, and then the next, and the next, until we had worked our way around the whole coluseum. We saw some guards and told them we needed a bathroom and they pointed out one that was close. When we came out, they were moved away from where they were guarding, and Gino was singing "I Just Want to Stop", so...........we had to. We snuck in that door and we ended up on a balcony behind stage only one level up. About that time the group came running through the curtains back stage from a bow. Of course, we hung over the edge shouting "We love you, Gino!" He tried three times to throw us some flowers he had been given but couldn't get them high enough. Then he had to go back out for a bow and we heard security coming. The big sister got on to us and said we had missed the end. Hee, hee! No we didn't.