Family Guilt

I never really thought that I came from that strange of a family. The older I get I realize that no one has the "normal" family. I guess all of the fruitcakes make it interesting.



My brother and I were talking a couple of weeks ago about the fact that none of us had heard anything about our mother's only sister in a long time. I have to accept most of the guilt factor here as I am the only one of my siblings that lives in the metroplex where she lives. We went to see her 7-8 years ago when we first moved here. It's not that we don't like her. She was wonderful a aunt. I'm even named after her. (Although I hate my first name and it is a total secret.) It is just the child in me that hates it when she cries and gushes every time I walk in a room. She is always so excited to see her namesake. See why I feel heavy guilt!!!! She is in her 80's and we knew that she had been moved to another retirement village but couldn't find out where. She is extremely wealthy and evidently one of her granddaughters tried to take advantage of her so the facilities are tight lipped.



My aunt has had a sheltered, privileged life, yet a lot of tragedy. Her ex-husband was on the forefront of oil exploration in Alaska in the 50's - 60's. Became a multi-millionaire and then (of course) had an affair with his secretary. My aunt had a nervous breakdown when he wanted a divorce. They had 3 children. They were all 16-20 years older than I. (This is where it sound like a TV movie.) Oldest son was smart but always kind of a jerk. Really impressed with Daddy's money and followed him around. (Ever seen J.R. Ewing on the TV show Dallas?) Grew up to be a divorced alcoholic with not very much. The daughter had the brains, business sense and beauty. She won beauty contests, college homecoming queen, modelled for Neiman-Marcus,etc., and as her youngest cousin, I thought she was absolutely amazing. A real-live Barbie doll. I'm sure I was a pest. She ended up marrying 3 times; having one son; starting a computer business at just the right time and making a ton of money. The last time I saw her was at my wedding. She was still beautiful. Then about 5 years later, her then husband murdered her for her money and business. He smothered her, said she died in her sleep and immediately had her cremated. Took two years to prove it and convict him. Turns out he had murdered a previous wife, too. (Told you it sounded like a TV movie.) Her father (my uncle) died the following year of a broken heart. She was always his pride and joy. Then there was the youngest son. Really, really smart, but socially inept. Had to follow in his flamboyant siblings shadow. You know how that goes. When I was a teenager and visit my aunt, he would keep me up all night talking. Nobody ever really paid him a lot of attention, so he took advantage of having a captive audience. He and his wife and baby were at my wedding, too. All my friends asked me later who the man was in the rumpled suit with baby spit up down the back. His wife was said also to be wearing a sheer skirt with no slip. Quite a pair, but I never noticed. I was glad they travelled a long way to my wedding and a little too happy to care anyway.



So why is all of this in my mind tonight? I received an e-mail from my brother and since our conversation about our aunt, he had been looking for info on the internet. He was looking at obits and came across that our cousin (the youngest boy) had died 2-28-08. None of us ever knew. It makes me feel so sad. The obit said nothing about family or anything other than he's gone and buried. So much potential and so much sadness. I really don't know what to make of it. We were family, we were first cousins, yet he goes and nothing is said. A whole family that had so very much yet so little.



Okay, so this post has gone off on a weird journey. If anyone is still reading down this far, I'm sorry. Don't know where to go with this. Just talking out loud and letting a little family guilt out.



Later.