WHAT NEXT?

First of all, I have no idea what the penguin pic has to do with anything other than they amuse me. That's all.


Hope you had a really special Christmas. We had a nice family time here. I must have been very good this past year (or more likely Santa just didn't find out) as I am typing on my new laptop. I have been holding on to my PC with white knuckles. Couldn't imagine that anything could be faster or more efficient. So now, here I am with my much-more-powerful-than-I-will-ever-need laptop sitting at the kitchen table right next to my PC. Old habits are just hard to break.


TWO-THOUSAND-ELEVEN. I have a bit of a pit in my stomach just thinking about it. We have put so much stock on starting a new year with hope and much gratitude. Our son is home and we are moved and settled. It's all good. Why am I uneasy? Probably because the last two weeks have reminded me not to be so confident that I know, or have any control over, what is going to happen next.

• Got a call mid-afternoon of Thursday a week before Christmas. That dreaded call....again. #1 son was in jail. He was pulling out of a parking lot and made a right turn without coming to a complete stop. He was pulled over by a policeman and happened to have on a belt that had brass knuckles on it. (I've never seen the belt but supposedly they were part of the buckle.) He was arrested for a prohibited weapon. He had to stay in jail until he could go before a judge on Friday morning. He was charged with a misdemeanor and bond was set at $2500. We called a bondsman who charged us $390. When they called, they were told that he had an "investigative hold" on him. Meaning = they were making sure that they could not find something else to charge him with. Of course, I do understand that they have a boy/man who has just been out of prison for 6 months; has all kind of tattoos; no steady job, etc. He doesn't exactly look like "John Q Public" and I sure that his mouth was running the whole time. The "hold" was not taken off until Saturday mid-morning. Two nights in jail over a belt buckle. Granted, stupid on his part, but SERIOUSLY???


• The plans had already been made for Hub to drive out that Saturday and pick up #1 and his girlfriend to bring them here for Christmas. After a restless night, we both got up at 4 a.m. and Hub got on the road at 5 that morning. We went straight to the jail and waited for him to be released. He also paid $200 to get the car that #1 was driving out of the auto pound. (It belonged to a friend.) $600 the week before Christmas and he still has to go to court.


• Hub showed up Saturday evening with #1, the girlfriend AND......wait for it......their ever growing puppy. That was when the other shoe fell. THEY are moving in with us. No one asked my opinion. Hub and the girlfriend made this decision on the way up. She says that the influences are just too strong and she is afraid that he will get in trouble. She really seems to love him. Not sure why she puts up with him sometimes.


• Today, Hub took them back and will rent a truck to bring back the little bit of furniture that they have and the rest of their things. Of course, this includes the bed that we had just bought them after Thanksgiving. Now, it will have to be stored.

Everything has happened so fast, I'm not sure totally where I stand on all of this. I'm very apprehensive, yet I realize that our son truly needs more help to get started. He simply does not possess the life skills to operate as an independent, responsible adult. He was born with a deficit and has lost about 4 years of life lessons to grow into it. As much as I want it to be different and sometimes demand it to be different, that fact has not changed. This isn't a case of totally enabling him as much as it is dealing with a tough situation honestly.

So that is where we are. Our household grew overnight from 3 to 5 plus 3 dogs and 1 cat. Can you say Zoo? The puppy is really sweet but driving everyone a bit nuts. Especially the 4-legged family members. She has already grown from being the smallest into the #2 position. She will end up being the largest.

The girlfriend is a sweetheart and we are trying to negotiate the "two women in one house" logistics. She has been trying to help and is good about keeping #1 in line. #2 son is crazy about her and she has given him some much needed special attention. Hub says that she's the cheapest babysitter we have had. (Shame he is talking about her babysitting #1.) They both are under strict orders that they both have to have jobs immediately after the 1st. Girlfriend already has some leads. #1 has decided that he wants to be a "mystery shopper". Oy vey!!!!

Later.

My Ms M

Have you ever seen or spoken with someone and known that this would be the last time you would ever see or speak with them? I have had this happen a few times in my life. Not that it was some mysterious psychic connection. Some of these people were literally on their death beds. Like my aunt that passed away last January. Our family had totally lost connection with her and then I discovered her granddaughter on Facebook. I got to visit with her on the day that she died. I was named after her, spoiled by her and loved her dearly, yet lost precious time. I was the last to hold her hand. It was just she and I and I got to tell her how special she was.

When my mother was in a nursing home, her close friend and neighbor, Mrs. H, was there as well. They were in different buildings, but would go visit each other as long as they could and later I would wheel Mother down to see her or just go myself. Mrs H was the friend Mother could depend on whether she needed someone to watch me for a little while or watch the house when we were out of town. We did the same for her family. One day I was coming in to visit Mother and was stopped by another family friend who told me that Mrs. H was not doing well. I went down to her room to check on her and felt like I had stepped into a movie set for a 40's movie. She was alone in her room and with the head of her bed raised. The drapes were open and sunlight was pouring on her face. The sunshine and white sheets made her glow. I know that sounds weird, but seriously the woman was beautiful and glowing. I thought she was asleep and then she opened her eyes, gave me a sweet smile and called me by name. (Remember Scarlett & Melanie's death scene in "Gone With the Wind"? Do you hear the soft music playing?) We spoke for a little while and I told her how much I enjoyed coming to her home as a child and how much I loved her. When I left her room, I felt like something special was going on in there. It was. Mrs H died later that day.

Well, I think I told someone goodbye tonight. I haven't felt like sending out Christmas cards for the past few years. Too much stinkin' thinkin' going on here I am sorry to say. I mailed out 60 Christmas notes this past Thursday. This afternoon, I got two calls from people that I have known for probably 30 years and were thrilled to get a note and to know where we are now. One of them had been my mentor, substitute mother, colleague, confider, advisor and best friend. We met when we both had offices on the same floor of an office building. I was young, single and thought I had it all. She was a retired social worker that wanted something else to do and decided to go to work for an oil company. Everyone loved M. Her office was located close to the elevator and to the coffee shop and her door was always open. I'm sure it was a challenge to do her job as there was always someone sticking their head in to say hello. She worked for an old sourpuss that was her own age and she just laughed him off. He never even knew that behind the drapes that covered a fake window in her office, she had hung a poster of Tom Selleck. That was M and that was one of the reasons I loved her. When I started dating my Hub, he had to get her approval even before he was introduced to my parents. When we were first working on adoption, M was the first to write a reference letter for us and use her connections as a social worker. Anyway, M got my card today and gave me a call. Although she sounds the same with her laughter and deep Southern accent, M is now 90 and says that she is using a walker. She says the first thing that she pulls out every Christmas is a pillow that I made for her 25+ years ago that says "Joy Y'all". She hopes that her children will love it later and keep it out. She brought up the subject that she is now 90 and knows that things will be changing soon. She said that she made a deal with God to take her when he's ready. She just hopes that he takes her in an accident so that her sons will receive double insurance money. That's my M. Well, she told me not to worry about her. I told her that not too long ago, I had realized that I was someone's Miss M. There was a first year teacher at school that was a long way from home and we became friends. She wanted me to meet her new boyfriend and then fiance. Then she wanted to cry on my shoulder when it didn't work out. She is about the age that I was when I met M and I am getting closer to the age that M was. I am someone's M. I told her that was a big responsibility, but I'm trying to live up to her example.

So, anyway, I think I told someone goodbye tonight. We said all the things that you do just in case you never have another chance to say them. I feel so good about her. If you have not sent out Christmas greetings yet, throw some in the mail. You never know what blessings are out there looking for you.

Later, and just in case, Merry Christmas!

Thankful

WOW! I just looked back at my posts at this time of year for the past two years. You know, that's what this blog thing is all about. Not just communicating and sharing, but to see and remember where you have come from. We are FINALLY looking forward to celebrating Christmas again. We will all be together as a family. What a gift!

So...when I last reported on "As My World Turned", we were expecting my #1 son and his new girlfriend to drive up to see us the weekend before Thanksgiving. That never happened as #1 wrecked the car on that Thursday evening. (For those keeping track, that was the second car in 3 months. He hadn't even made the first payment to us on it.) In all honesty, it is one of those accidents that do just kinda happen. He was waiting to make a left-hand turn from a center lane across 2 lanes of traffic. The car in the 1st lane stopped and motioned for him to turn in front of her and then another car went around in the second lane. Semi-understandable, but still his fault. The police were called, but didn't even ticket him. The insurance company has declared it a total loss due to the fact it was an older car so we are still working out those details. Can't wait to see what our insurance is going to cost next year!

Did get to meet the girlfriend when we went through to pick them up for Thanksgiving. We took them out to our favorite Mexican restaurant (yum!) on Wednesday night. She was cute; dressed up, good make-up, no tattoos, all good. I liked her very much. Cute personality. My son was his old, loving self and very happy. What more could a mom ask for? They both had to go work later that night at a club. My son as a bouncer and his girlfriend was asked to fill in and serve for extra money. Not a good place for him to be, but with no experience and a record, he is having such a hard time with jobs. We just have to keep praying. The next day, we were leaving early to drive to my sister's. We tried to call them to make sure they were ready, but no answer. We drove over and could not raise them for awhile. They finally came flying out looking still asleep. She was feeling sick but they both slept on the 2-1/2 hour drive. In fact, they slept most of the day....on the sofa, in the middle of everything. I was not happy about that. My sister has a smaller home and had a house full of overnight company. I hated to suggest that they just go lie down for awhile as I didn't want to mess up her beds. I suggested that we just take them on to the hotel, but Hub wanted our boy close at Thanksgiving. Anyway, I was embarrassed, but everyone was very nice about it. We drove back to our old home the next day. The girlfriend and I went to get a mani-pedi from my old friend. It was good bonding time. We did a little shopping for Christmas decorations and had another meal of good Mexican food. (Can't find a good place here.) We took them back to their house late that evening. That was when we discovered that no one had their keys and their room mates were gone and not to be found. We finally went on to check into our hotel and to call from their. I had requested a suite when I made the reservations. Turns out it was a suite with twin bed sofa in the living room and 2 queen beds in the bedrooms. Yes folks....they ended up staying with us that night. How cozy...my husband and I in one bed, #1 and the girlfriend in the next, and #2 in the living room. Weird, weird, weird. I think that I was the only one a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing. Guess we could of sprung for another room. Yuck! We headed out the next day at noon.

#2 had been on Facebook Friday night and when a former classmate found out that he was in town, SHE asked him to have brunch the next day. This little girl had been his crush when we lived here, so he was stoked. He came in and said "What time is brunch?" :) Anyway, he was excited and woke up at 6:30 to take a shower. The girl and her mom picked him up at the hotel at 8:30 and we told him that we would pick him up at her house at noon.

All that being said, it was a good Thanksgiving. That is if you don't count the fact that Hub and I both got sick on the way home. So much fun to pull over on the Interstate to .....well, you know. We blamed it on the girlfriend. #1 got sick, too.

In my last posting, I mentioned a new chapter. What I was referring to was that I just wonder if this girlfriend is the girl that we have been praying for since our son was born. It's strange to put my mind in that place, but they do seem to make a good team. We like her a lot. Don't want to share a hotel room again, but I like her a lot. More than that, I like "them". She seems to really understand #1 and tries to keep him in a good place. She definitely has a strong personality. She has him on a "short leash". Her words, not mine. Maybe that's good for him right now. He has very little experience in the "independent adult world". She has had her issues, too. Hub says that she's just enough of a bad girl for him. Sounds like she is the under-achiever in a family full of over-achievers. Dad's a ob/gyn; mom is a flight attendant with a PhD (?), one sister is a young, upcoming star in the world of attorneys, another a successful photographer. I even verified all that info through google. (Shame on me.) I also found out that her brother in college was on probation from a possession charge. Finally, someone we can relate to. :) Well, if this his soul mate, I'm happy for him. It's interesting to see them negotiate their lives.

I do have sad news though. I accepted a job this past week. It is with Hub's company, but under a different District Manager. Not for him. I have to go to some classes on the 22nd and 23rd of December (Who thought that up?) and then the job officially starts on January 3rd. It is just a seasonal thing and will probably end with April. Although, I don't like thinking about going back to work, I know that it will be good for me. I want a new computer for Christmas, so now I don't feel so guilty about such a large gift.

One last thing that I want to share. It's a bit of a Christmas miracle about our friend's son that tried to commit suicide a month ago. Things are changing every single day. A few days ago, he was frustrated trying to make his parents understand something. He had taken two years of sign language and he was trying to sign "I love you". They thought he was saying "Rock on". Sunday, he played tic-tac-toe with his mother & won. Made the line through and everything. Yesterday, he spoke for the first time when his sister walked into the room. He said "Hello _____". Very BIG stride. Today, they sat him on the edge of the bed and had his feet on the floor for a bit with weight on them. This is the same boy that they were told to tell goodbye a month ago. If the organ harvesting team had been on duty that night, they would have never kept his body going long enough to see this glimmer. I had felt so angry at the doctor for putting this sweet family through all of that pain thinking that they would never have their son. Forgot for awhile that the doctor was not in charge, but that God was. Anyway, they all have a long, long way to go. As a parent though, I am so happy for them.

Later.

A New Chapter

I feel like I'm entering a new chapter this weekend. We called #1 son the other night just to check in. He let us know that he and his girlfriend will be driving over on Saturday. First of all, even for him, this doesn't make a lot of sense. It is a 6 hour drive and we will be heading his way on Wednesday. What's up? My mother/woman's intuition tells me that it's the girl.


I wrote a lot more here, but I've erased it. I will let you know after I meet her.


It has been 10 days now and our friend is still hanging on. His parents now have signed up for a website that allows you to give updates for seriously ill patients. We get 2-3 updates per day. They are so optimistic. Each one makes me wonder how truly realistic they are. I'm not there. I'm not privy to the doctor's reports. The whole thing is just too sad.


Remember when Hub and I went to Mexico to celebrate our 25 wedding anniversary? A news story caught my eye Monday and there has been a big explosion at the resort we stayed at. 7 people were killed and others injured. This is so sad to me. Not just for the people who lost their lives, but that place was special to us. We had an amazing time. I can't bear to think that any of it is destroyed. hhtp://sunshineandfingerprints.blogspot.com/2008/05/paradise.html

Well, I need to go do something constructive. But first, I think I will have another cup of coffee and think about it.

Later.

Update

Things are still the same for our friend. His family is spending their days outside the room, praying for survival. The prognosis is still not good. One person can go in at a time but they can not touch him. He is still in a coma and on life support. The brain pressure has gone down just a little. There has been talk of trying to stimulate him a little and see what happens. Also, they talked of seeing if his lungs would kick in. Right now, that is just talk; they've done nothing. My brother got to go in the other night. Of course, he said that he was unrecognizable.

I keep putting myself in his mom's place. (I guess that's a weird quirk of mine, but that's how I deal with things. Unless it is actually happening to me; then, avoidance is the quirk.) They have already been told that what made him "him" is already gone. The only positive thing I've heard is that he may have a little sight. Earlier, they felt that the optic nerves were so damaged that there would be none. Would he be aware if he can see? Would there ever be any communication? Would he ever be more than a body? Only God knows. I would think that there would be some wrestling with these facts going on in the family.

As parents, there is so much moral, social, heart-led pressure that we would want our child with us "no matter what". We would be considered terrible, unworthy, selfish parents/people if we didn't. Right? But what about the child? IF he had a moment of realization would know that he is trapped in a hellous existence forever. What about the mother and father that will sacrifice their lives to keep a body clean and safe? What about a daughter that has to watch her parents continue to suffer and know that when they are gone that the mantra would pass to her? But we want him to be here no matter what or how. He's our son and brother. Right?

Having a child who has lived a hurtful, painful life seems to open up other mom's to some hard truths. I've had two different moms confess to me really hard mom secrets. One very close friend lost her son at 20. We met when our boys were both very small and often traded off babysitting. They bore the same name and both broke our hearts. One with alcohol and the other with drugs. Her son seemed to finally be on a more positive path, but one night by himself at his apartment, he drank until he passed out, vomited and choked to death. What a legacy. Anyway, one night his mom and I were talking about the boys and she said that I was the only one she could say this out loud to, but that it was a bit of a relief. It was always something with him; always waiting for the other shoe to fall. Wondering where he was or getting a call from the police or from jail. She knew that he too was miserable. Now at least he found peace. Another mother's son was taking a very, very similar path as ours. He was just about a year behind and going into a second rehab. She shared a conversation that they had. She told him that if this was the path that he felt he had to take, that she would rather have him dead. My husband was floored and thought she was heartless. I understood.

So I have lots of questions and viewpoints, yet I do realize that there is only one answer. The one that God has decided. It will be the best even if we don't see it. It sill just makes me wonder.

Later.

Prayer Request

Where do I start? I want to ask for your prayers and thoughts for a dear family that is living a total nightmare right now. We got word this morning that the 24 year old brother of our niece-in-law killed himself last night. He was upset over a girlfriend breakup, put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. His mother was home, heard the shot and held him while the ambulance came. They spent the night at the ER trying to stabilize so that his organs could be harvested and taking care of the "business" of donation. Then, they said goodbye to their son. They left early this morning to run home and shower and return to escort him to the funeral home.

Later this morning, things took a different path. The law says that there has to be a second opinion before organs can be donated. The second neurosurgeon decided that there was some, yet faint, brain activity. He was taken into surgery for several hours and large portions of his damaged brain was removed. He is now on life support. They said he did raise his hand to try to remove a throat tube. No way of knowing at this time how much activity is there.

What do you pray for now except "Thy will be done". I have been known to pray boldly and specifically for cures and recovery and jobs, etc. But now what? For this type of hell to go on for years? What path do you pray for?

This boy/man was so full of love and life. Always a smile. Always something funny to say and he said it with a marvelous English accent. He was singer for a band that seemed to finally be getting a little of a following. I remember dancing with him at his sister's wedding. He was 19 and wanted me to teach him the two-step. Didn't go to well, but he was fun. :) I remember how sweet it was for his band to play a set at this fabulous reception. I remember him singing to his sister. It was a very happy day.

My mind has been on his mom all day. How will she deal with the sound of that shot echoing in her head forever. We had become good friends with his parents as the nephew's wedding truly united two families. Wonderful people and so very much fun to be around. She and I clicked right off and we see them every time we go to visit my brother & family. They lived a life of privilege with love for others at the center. About a year ago, we went to see the new home that they had built. He is soon to retire and they decided to stay in Texas instead of moving back to England. They built a dream home to entertain family and friends. Not much of a dream home right now.

Anyway, thanks for letting me get some thoughts out. My heart is so heavy. Please pray for all of them. They will all need lots of prayer and compassion right now; whatever the turn out.

I think I will go hug my son now....go hug yours.

Later.

Drama.

I have a confession to make. It's morning and I just had an egg.....followed by a snack size Hershey bar. I need an intervention with LHCA (Leftover Halloween Candy Anonymous). I feel so much better admitting that. Not really. I will probably have another one in a bit.

A lot of "busy" has been going on here. We got through the birthday party/family reunion/family zoo. It was fun and so good to see everyone (almost). My week consisted of (1)go to grocery store; (2) cook; (3) clean; (4) repeat. I don't know what I was thinking, but most people came in earlier than I had expected. Of course, that means more meals and entertaining. I stayed busy throwing frozen lasagnas in the oven, making homemade chili and cornbread, salads and sandwich trays, appetizers, and anything else easy to keep large groups fed. I was so glad that I had dinner catered the night of the party.

#1 son brought two 20-ish friends (a guy and a girl) with him to the party. Actually, they were here for 4 days. Everyone brought their laundry to wash here. Everyone was first on the spot when food was being served. Everyone left their towels and sometimes clothes in the bathroom. To be fair, his friends were good houseguests...to the best of their ability. They all stayed upstairs in the loft except for the constant trips back and forth to the back patio to smoke. :( I knew the girl from years past. She was a friend of a girl/slut that #1 was crazy about for years. She would came over to the house with her and was definitely the better of the two. Since then, she had married, had a baby, been deserted by husband and at one time was dancing to pay the bills. She wore Daisy Duke shorts with low cut tops showing her tattoos (and other things) the whole time she was here. I asked #1 if she had anything else to wear for the party, but he said that most of her clothes were stolen by a roommate recently. Everything she had was going to feed her baby. She really was a sad case. Very sweet but definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Couldn't help but like her and also feel sorry for her. I decided to take her to Goodwill and buy her some clothes, but I'm sad to say that when I could finally get away, they were leaving.

These guys caused plenty of drama the night of the birthday party. One of our nephews came who is 32 with the maturity and mentality of maybe a 15 year old. He decided to just "crash" here instead of going to the hotel room that his mom had reserved for him. (Not sure why I didn't go to the hotel and use his room.) He did fit in well with our three 20-ish people; but he did add fuel to the flame....literally. During the party, I looked out the window to see a very large fire on my back patio. I ran out to see my chimnea crammed with wood sticking out of the top and burning.....on my COVERED back patio. The four stooges were just sitting there admiring their work not seeing anything wrong with this plan. They never got up. Hub came out and helped to move it just past the roof and then went back in. I think everyone thought that I was mad and upset enough that they should stay out of my way. They were probably right. It had been a stressful day. Anyway, big sparks are still flying out the top and going toward the roof and everywhere else. I was fit to be tied. I got the garden hose and started trying to put it out. It was a really hot fire and I couldn't understand why it was so hard to get out. There was a thick column of black smoke that just kept coming. I found out later that Einstein had added some diesel fuel to the chimnea to get it started. They were using treated 2X4's and not the kindling that we had for it. The scary thing is that Einstein is not only is 32 but he owns a large farm/horse ranch. (Brother-in-law left the kids really well off.) Out of everyone, he should known better. (If he only had a brain.)

Late that night after everyone had gone to bed, I was cleaning up the kitchen and started hearing yelling upstairs. I could hear a girl crying and my son yelling to everyone to get the ____ out of his (?) house. I was afraid that it was close to getting physical and woke up Hub who ran upstairs in his undies. (Never a dull moment.) I told the girl to come downstairs and talk to me. She's crying about how she and the guy were breaking up and she didn't know what to do. #1 came down and put in his two-cents. The other boy decided to get in his truck and leave. He was drunk and it had been raining and he slid into a ditch not too far from the house. He got his truck out just as a policeman came by. He just told the boy to be careful going home. I'm sure it was a funny picture as he was wearing my sons pajamas. (Sock monkey pajamas that I had bought him one Christmas.) He came back and was crying, too. He loved her. (Oh, Brother. Where's Hub you ask? Back in bed.) Finally at around 3 A.M., I called a Come-To-Jesus meeting on the front patio with the three 20-ishs. Our nephew never came down. (Maybe he does have a little bit of a brain.) I got on to all of them because they had been drinking all day long and were just acting stupid. I reminded the girl that this behavior could easily cost her custody of her son. #1 and the other boy are also crazy about the baby so I told them that they owed it to him also to set an example and to not make it an unsafe, unhealthy place for him. They had formed a bit of a "family unit" and they can't forget it. Finally, I sent them all to bed and told them not to talk about any of it until the next day.

At 7:15 the next morning, we were awaken by the two cousins from Indianapolis who stopped by to tell us goodbye. (Good thing I am crazy about them. I was really sleepy.) I opened the back door to let the dogs out and found our nephew outside asleep in two chairs pulled together. He came in for coffee and was talking at Hub around the breakfast table. (I say "at" because that's how he rolls. He never shuts up and knows everything.) I curled up in a chair in the den, but could hear. He said that he went out there after the drama. He was complaining that it had started raining a bit so he had to pull in closer to the house. Then, he started feeling water in his face. The sprinklers were going off. See! There is justice in this world. I loved it!!!!

Later.