Countdown

This time next week, it will all be over. Hub's big birthday party is next weekend. I'm really looking forward to it but also feeling the self-imposed pressure that we women seem to thrive on. Lots to do between now and then.

My #2 son flew back this morning from his weekend in Texas. He had a great time. It was just right. A little taste of independence to celebrate being 13. Now he is planning all kinds of back and forth trips. We may have created a flying monster.

Hub had a flight out this morning as well. Turned out that our son got off of the same plane that he was going to get on. Can't believe that it turned out so well. I'm scheduled to work the book fair at school tomorrow and then finish up the house, laundry and grocery shopping. The first guest flies in Wednesday morning and Hub flies back Wednesday night. Then we go back to the airport late Friday night, Saturday to a private airport and trips back to both airports on Sunday. We have a couple of families arriving by car on Saturday along with #1 son and his entourage. (That's a whole other story.) Brother-in-law leaves Tuesday night; Hub on Wednesday, and me......I see a glass of wine and a long jacuzzi Wednesday afternoon. Also, we want to do family portraits this weekend since Hub's daughter-who-never-sees-us will be here. I'm working on that, too, but the scheduling is getting really tricky.

I still can't get the Chilean miners off of my mind. When this drama started back in August, I just kept trying to imagine how you could possibly get through that. I'm HIGHLY claustrophobic and it freaks me out. Even the restraint of the cast made me get my weird on. The whole thing just seemed impossible. The fact that they found out they were alive 17 days later. Then when they estimated that it would be Christmas before they could get them out! Un-imagianable! Of course, I watched the rescue late into the night and the next day. What a beautiful thing. It was also so beautiful that for just a little while the world was one together, holding their collective breaths, and celebrating each man's freedom. I read today about the men returning to their homes of poverty. One family lined the street with white bags filled with air because they could not afford balloons. Can't you just see the Wal-Mart bags waving? These men have to be so very changed on the inside, but now what do they do. Many will probably return to the mines due to necessity. Can you imagine? They kept talking about what celebrities they will be, etc. I hope that there is help for them financially, spiritually, mentally, etc. Of course, there are going to be the blood suckers coming to take advantage. I heard that they realized that someone was working to get them out, that they made a pact to never tell what happened during that first 17 days. I would be very surprised if that holds up. Someone will get to one of them and offer "their price" and they will tell. I'm as curious as anyone else. I just hate it when others prey on the weak.

We moved to Midland, Texas soon after the "Baby Jessica" incident. For those who might not remember, she was an 18 month old baby that fell down an open 8" well pipe in a relative's back yard. She was down 22 feet for 58 hours and they had to drill a parallel hole and then a horizontal crossover through rock to get her. It seemed like people across the country held their breath for her as well. Of course, Oprah came with everyone else. I recently saw an interview with her. She is now 24 and a mother herself. They showed her taking her baby, that is about how old she was then, back to the scene to see the capped off well. She's had 15 surgeries to repair her injuries. Living in Midland, there was always someone who knew the family or something about the situation. (Of course, we had to drive by the house.) The parents broke up soon after that. There was talk of the mother going through a lot of the donations frivolously. (There is still suppose to be a rather healthy trust fund that she should get soon.) Several of the rescuers had serious post tramatic issues after that. The man who actually pulled her up committed suicide. She says that she doesn't remember any of it. (Thank you, God.) It just makes me wonder what path those associated with the Chilean miner story will take. Life can take strange turns.

Later.

I talked to my friend.

I'm finally alone in my house for a few hours. Is that time really important to you, too? There has been someone, or many someones, here 24 hours a day for several days now. I just want a little time to do things in my order or way and not be interrupted. Not that the telephone doesn't ring and change plans. Not that I am not easily distracted with things like being at the computer right now. This is my "me time" and I'm finding it more and more important. I love my family, but I need to be alone with myself to have a conversation with myself. Sometimes even out loud, but that's another story.

Son #2 is O-fficially 13 years old now. It just sounds wrong to say "teen" at the end of his age. He is really proud of it and he has been busy reminding us that he is a teenager now and with that comes all sorts of new freedoms. Not always but he thinks it should. He invited 3 boys to spend the night last Friday. Only 1 could due to a non-custodial parent visit and the fact we're new and other parents don't know anything about us. I'm really good with that. I am more likely to agree to him going somewhere that I know the parents think that through. The one boy that could stay is living with his grandparents due to his mom's drug usage. He was very open about all of this and touched my heart. He kept saying that he wanted to stay here and that he had lived in the ghetto. He is a very charming, witty, funny kid. I'm sure he is covering up a lot. I hope he comes back often. We took them to a movie. We ended up having to see a more immature cartoon movie as one of the boys was not allowed to see PG-13 unless his parents were there. (Not surprisingly, it was the same boy that was not allowed to spend the night.) The boys were so funny at the movie. Hub and I laughed so hard at them. #2 was mortified when I told him that not only were we going to the same movie, but that we were going to sit in the back and make out. We did end up having to go to the same movie due to the time frame, but they sat in the back and we were told to sit up front where they could see us. They all seemed to have a great time. The next morning, we let #2 and his friend blow up the last of the 4th of July fireworks to celebrate his birthday. (Wouldn't you like to be our neighbor?) I think that the boy that couldn't spend the night will be allowed to next time. His mom chatted for about 30 minutes when she picked him up; asked if we would like to come to dinner sometime; called Sunday wanting to meet us for lunch but I didn't get the message in time, and her son has asked to spend the night this weekend and has also invited #2 to go with his family to the State Fair. I think we've been approved now. :)

I did had a totally high point this week. Rox and I had a marathon phone conversation on Tuesday. Don't worry about the world. We got all of the world's problems solved. You're very welcome. :) Rox, I TOTALLY enjoyed our visit. Thanks for calling and I want to do that again soon.

It is so easy to chat with a "intimate stranger" like a serious blog buddy. We've have only talked live one other time, but have so much more of an insight into each other due to blogs and e-mails. When I think about the fact that she, and some of you, know me so much more intimately than most of the people in my daily life, it just sounds a little strange. Not to sound like I'm not really, really grateful for these cherished friendships, it's just that I'm thinking about that fact. At this particular time, I don't have any close, close personal friends in my daily, reach-out-and-touch life. (Except for Hub, of course.) I move; they move, friendships tend to change. Would I have different relationships in my life if there was no "social network"? Anywho, this is just a strange little place that my mind wandered to today. Thanks for being my intimate, internet friends.

Big hugs to all.

Later.

Change, Change, Change

Change is the only thing that is constant. Isn't that just profound. The rules keep changing. Not even the characters stay the same. How am I suppose to keep up?

Okay, so now I'm distracted a bit. Justine Bateman just came on TV. Where did that teenage face of hers go? She's looking really old! She would probably say the same thing about me.....if she saw me.....and if she knew me. Oh, well! Now where was I?

Change - Son #1 decided that he wants to go back to Texas to live. Sound familiar? He has been out less than 3 months and this is the 2nd time he's made this decision. This does give us a bit of a breather for which I should be grateful. You are always on guard as to what will happen the next minute when he is around. Hubby has a big birthday toward the end of the month and a lot of family is coming in for it. Hub keeps saying that all he wants is for all of his kids to be here. Anyone want to take a bet as to whether son #1 will decide he wants to hang out here for awhile after the birthday? Actually, Hub seems to have his eyes a little more open this time. Now if we can just keep him from blinking... He finally seems to be seeing how the boy/man has been using him. We've got to back off. We are not helping him.

I really think that there is a girl in Texas that still has quite a hold on our son. He went to high school with her and he was obsessed with her. This girl's insecurities are so obvious and she will do anything for male attention. Anything! She collected boys like a charm bracelet. Our son was so very drawn to her and she wouldn't let him go; not even when she did not want him. I always had the fear that they will end up together. So many times I prayed "God, please don't make me have to love this girl". I thought that I had dodged the bullet as she had a baby a couple of years ago never wrote our son or anything. I thought that I heard that she had married but turns out I was wrong. Son #1 thinks her baby girl is just the best. Oh, brother! Oh, and if that isn't enough, this girl has dropped out of college and is a go-go dancer (according to our son) in a club. Do they even have go-go dancers anymore? I'm thinking that any dancing that she is doing has a pole and tassels in the act. Did I tell you that she was a really nice girl and how much I like her? I didn't? Guess not.

Next week, we will have a teenager in our family again. My baby is turning 13. Really can't believe it although he is developing a bit of the attitude. Why didn't I just freeze him at five years old? I miss that little guy. He thought I was fabulous! Now, we are starting the "don't let anyone know that I have parents" stage. Yuck! He's having 2-3 boys over tomorrow night. For his birthday, I have made arrangements for him to go back to Texas and spend a weekend with his best friend. I can't wait to tell him. He will be so excited. He will be flying by himself for the first time. (Scary for me.) His friend's mom seems to really be looking forward to it. It is such a blessing to have another family love your child. His friend already has a ticket to fly up here Thanksgiving and then we will take him back. Our son has just been missing his old friends so much lately that I thought that this was the best gift I could give him.

The weather is finally getting cooler. It has been absolutely beautiful. The trees are just beginning to change color just a little. I can't wait for Autumn! At least my hubby had the good sense to be born in the Fall. We have family coming from all four directions: Charlotte, NC, Houston, San Francisco and maybe Indianapolis. It should be beautiful when they are here!

Well, I have one more load of wash to get started and then I'm going to bed. What a glamorous life I live! (Not.)

Later.

Best Laid Plans

Like most moms who work in the home, I suffer for the syndrome that my plans are not always/usually my own or my priority. When you work outside the home, we tend to be more like the hubs. (Sorry guys!) It will have to wait until after work...unless it just can't.

Now before you get on to me for making such sexist statements, remember that the opinions expressed here are strictly the opinions and observations of the writer from her own crazy life. Right, wrong or otherwise, this is my reality.

I do take ownership of letting myself get distracted. This blog is a great example this morning. Hub is driving son to workshop and I have laundry that really must be done in lieu of nakedness. But at this moment, this is what I want to do.

I was complaining/whining to Hub last night about how I get really frustrated at the way I tend to handle stress and lots of issues to deal with at one time. I tend to freeze and shut down. It is VERY ineffective. I took a test yesterday that they were talking about on one of the doctor TV shows (Oz, Phil, etc.) According to this very scientific test, I probably am ADD. Not really surprised, as I self-diagnosed myself years ago. Just wish that I had the hyperactivity that sometimes goes with it. For years, I worked daily with affirming coping skills with #1 son to help him learn to adapt to his world. I need to take my own advice.

Last Friday, I was on the phone getting directions from the insurance investigator about what he needed me to do now regarding the stolen car. (Did I ever mention that they had found the car and it had been wrecked?) I was taking down a long list of names and fax numbers and what crazy things that all of these people need. The school called and said that #2 son was in the office from football practice complaining about an arm injury and that I needed to come get him. After 7 hours in the hospital emergency room, it was deemed that his wrist was broken. He was splinted up and told to get to an ortho doc in a few days. (Same E.R. room, same E.R. doc, and same ortho doc that I saw a few weeks ago for myself.) We went on Monday and a cast was put on his arm. He has been in a lot of pain stayed home another day. On Friday, another cast was put on as swelling was still going down and his first cast was getting too loose. It has been something like that every, single day. All things that need to be done. Just little pains in my bum.

I finally set up a local bank account this week. I didn't want to change until my direct deposits from the school district were done. No more checks from them now. :( While I was in the bank, I noticed a sign for a Financial Services Representative. (In other words, teller.) The girl that was setting up my accounts asked me if I worked and then started talking it up with me. She told me how to apply and all about the job. I did look into it and filled out an online application. I had to go back later and she told me that she had mentioned me to her branch manager. Anyway, things look a "bit" promising. Not sure what this will mean without a second car and getting Andrew to workshop and hopefully, to a job. Working is good for me, but I feel like I am still recovering from this summer.

Also, I finally got a new driver's license. I have been renewing my license for the last 10 years and have not had a new picture taken. OMG. My mother's picture is now on my driver's license. The last 10 years have really taken their toll. REALLY depressing. I'm going to lose weight; let my hair grow; get a face lift (maybe not) and then go have my picture retaken. Vanity!

Well I am going to force myself to be productive and focused; at least this morning. I am having lunch with a new friend. A fun distraction.

Have a great weekend!

Later.

Progress (?)

After a really tough weekend, things seem to be settling just a little. We were really blessed to find out about a 5-week workshop at a local church that was exactly what son #1 needed. He was a little hesitant in the beginning, but we offered him $50 spending money for each week he goes. It is dealing with setting personal goals, accountability, resume writing, interview techniques, BUDGETING, personal presentation, obtaining job training, etc. They have had speakers come in and also took a field trip to a food distributor and met with their HR department in their conference room. It's really a wonderful program. He seems to be feeling so much better about himself. It is helping me, too. The break between 9 and 3 every day while he is gone has been good. A well spent $50.

I have to share a smile with you though. He came in here the other day when I was on my computer.

Son: "Mom, would you look up something for me when you get a chance?"

Me: "Sure. What do you need?"

Son: "I need you to look up where a sperm bank is. You know, a place to donate sperm. I can get $400 a pop there. I may not have to get a job!"

So I sit there trying not to laugh or look totally amazed that this is his game plan. After all, who wouldn't want his sperm. He's a good looking man. He just happens to have ADHD; learning challenges; a prison record; addiction to drugs and alcohol and a birthmother who the state has committed more than once. What's there not to love?

I did google a local agency and showed him all of the criteria. They look at health, lifestyle, education, and family background going back 2-3 generations. So then we had a touchy conversation.

Son: "So you are saying that a kid of mine would be defective?"

Me: "I'm not saying that at all. Don't talk about my grandchildren that way. I'm just saying that they have a strict criteria and this is what it is. It's their bank and they get to make the rules."

Son: "Well, they don't have to know."

Me: "You have to be honest and they will find out anyway. You can't play with a couple's lives and feelings that way. They have a right to have all of the information available and then make their decision." (Been there, done that.)


And just when I think he's not getting or accepting any of this, he says:


"So.....do you get paid when you donate blood or is that like just a donation?"


Always thinking, that one! :)



Later.

I'll take "Dull Moments" for $500, Alex.

Not sure where to begin. Never a dull moment around here. In fact, I think I'm going to start praying for dull moments. Not days, just moments. Is that too much to ask for?

• Son #2 started middle school. There is no traffic to speak of in this town, but every car, truck and mini-van is at this school in the morning and afternoon. This complex houses an elementary, middle school, 9th grade academy and high school. A round trip to deliver or pick up takes almost an hour because of lines and lines of cars. Checked into buses, but the ride is really long with a change of buses. Picked up son the first day and he burst into tears that he did not want to play football. Said he was just doing it because daddy wanted him to. I told him to talk to dad. Finally the truth came out that the coach had humiliated him in front of the whole squad because he said "yes" instead of "yes, sir". We talked to him; hub went to school the next day and talked to counselor and coach; everything is cool....or so we thought. Football came and my silly son forgot to say "yes, sir" again. This time another coach called him out in front of the squad and yelled at him "What wrong? Do you have a learning disability?" Those are fighting words to this mom. You NEVER say something like that to a student. We both went up there yesterday and asked the counselor to get him out of there. She agreed and we discussed that we had heard there was room opening up at the school that we are actually zoned for. She made some calls that afternoon and got him in over there. God bless her.
• While we were at school talking to the counselor, Hub got a call from Son #1. He is still in Texas (with Hub's car), living with an old friend and told us last week that he now has gotten a job......as a security guard. Not so sure that I believe any of this story, but that is a whole other subject. Hub still is sending him money and telling him how proud he is of him for getting a job. All of that translates into "Hub and I have not been the best of friends lately". Back to the phone call. Son got up, looked outside and the car was gone. Stolen. He says that he locked the doors but left the windows down so that it wouldn't be so hot. (Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.) He called the police and filed a report. I called insurance and started that end. Again, all of this sounds fishy, but I don't know what else to do but go with it.
• Late yesterday afternoon, Son #2 called Hub and told him that he wanted to come home. He told him that he had done some drugs and knew that he was not strong enough to live there with those influences and stay away from them. I'm sure all of these stories are somehow connected. Not sure if we will ever know the complete truth. Anyway, Hub said that we would send him a bus ticket. I kept trying to tell him to get the ground rules down before he came and that he has to go to counselling. It hasn't been working the way it was. Actually, I think Hub knows that he is enabling, (Lord, knows his wife has pointed it out enough) but he is so afraid that we will lose him and he will have regrets. He doesn't want to see him in a casket. If anything happened to him, Hub would lay all the blame on me. Not fair, but fact. There is no room for me to try to help my son this way. Hub left out of town and I bought a ticket and called him with the details. I will drive to pick him up about 45 minutes away tonight. Hub won't be back until Wednesday night. Perfect!
• Took #2 son to new school this morning. Love it, love it, love it. The people at the other school were really nice (except for the coach), but this school just feels good. I would love to work there. Son was so excited. He wants to play football now just to show the other coach what he lost. :) Can't blame him. My son is a big kid and coaches are always surprised that he is also fast. He will go to school with the boy across the street and they can ride the bus together. Big bonus for mom! I'm so glad that he is there.
  

Okay, let me squeeze some gratefulness out of this:

1. So thankful for the counselor at the first school that showed an interest in him. I had even shared with her what was going on in the family with #1 son and how #2 had been affected. Turns out her brother is in prison for drugs so she truly understands. I think she will be a great resource.
2. Happy about the new school. Everything positive there.
3. I'm grateful that #1 son at least says that he knows he can't do it by himself now. Not sure what all of this means for our family, but it is a start.
4. My family will be grateful that I went to the grocery store after I left school this morning. We were out of everything interesting. Now we are not. Shouldn't have gone to the store hungry.

Later.

Tomorrow

• Tomorrow, my son starts school for the first time in a new state. My normally shy son is excited. Ready for a new adventure. I asked him if he had laid out some clothes to wear. He said "Why?" Definitely not raising a girl here.
• Tomorrow, my son starts the 7th grade. Wasn't it just last year that he was looking at me with desperate eyes as I was leaving him in his kindergarten class? I thought he was going to bolt.
• Tomorrow, he will meet his football coach. He has played league ball before, but playing for a school is different. Soon it will be high school ball and hopefully college. What about his T-ball? I loved it when he played T-ball. Can't he still just play T-ball?
• In about six weeks, my son turns into a teenager. A TEENAGER! Are you kidding me? He has already started getting some of the teenager attitude. The eyes are rolling and he is mortified if I say anything to one of his friends. (OK. The last part is a little fun.) Hub heard that in this state you can get a driver's license at 14. Nuts!

I guess I am just missing my baby. His beautiful blue eyes are still there, but the white blonde locks have turned dark and he won't let me comb it anymore. Those little toes that I use to kiss....not kissing those big feet. Instead of looking down and reaching for him, I'm looking him straight in the eye. Soon I will be looking up. The little boy that depended on me for life is starting to find his own way. He will do well. He's a good boy. I look forward to see all the places he will go.

• Tomorrow, I become a different kind of mother. A middle school mother to my last child. It's suppose to be this way. Why does it make me a little sad? Oh, Lord, what will I do when he goes off to college?

Later.